Change Your World-NOT your Body

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Another Trans Regret

Another trans regret story-see full article here.
 
Born Sam Hashimi, the businessman and divorced father-of-two had a sex-change operation in 1987 to turn him into glamorous interior designer Samantha Kane.

He spent £100,000 on cosmetic operations and tooth veneers to create the ‘ultimate male ­fantasy’...
 
Then, in 2004, after seven years of living as a woman, he decided he’d made a horrible mistake;

Initially thrilled by his transformation, life as a woman quickly paled despite a jetset lifestyle in Monaco. He hated the way female hormones made him moody and emotional. Shopping bored him and sex was a disappointment.

No matter how feminine he looked, he felt he was merely playing a role.

So, five years ago, Charles spent a further £25,000 on three operations at the gender clinic at London’s Charing Cross Hospital to turn him back into a male.
 
His breast implants were removed and male genitalia re-constructed from skin grafts.
The trouble was, he wasn’t the man he had been before.

‘Based on my own experiences, I believe sex-change operations should not be allowed, and certainly not on the NHS

‘People who think they are a woman trapped in a male body are, in my opinion, completely deluded. I certainly was. I needed counselling, not a sex-change operation. 

'In many ways I see myself a victim of the medical profession. Even with the glamour of Samantha Kane and the £100,000 I spent on myself, I had people shouting abuse at me and builders throwing stones at me from rooftops,’ he says.


I find it sad that it is primarily only sensational rags who choose to write stories on trans regrets, this fact alone would deter other trans folk who realize their real sex/identity after transitional changes. Would only go to making them feel like "freaks" of sorts, rather than the misfortunate who have been snowed by a gender conforming medical community who did this to them in the first place. 

If you are trans and feel like you have made a mistake, remember IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! And it is NEVER too late to be yourself!

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17 comments:

  1. I'll just say Charles Kane should assume some responsibility for what he did together with the medical system, and he was very immature when he transitioned, but I've seen some terrible backslash said to him by trans people as if he were not even human. His assertions are questionable, but he's now a brave man who's trying the hardest to stitch together the patches of his strange and torn life and may very well succeed actually! He sounds very naive and I don't think he's malicious towards trans people, he just thinks they are deluded (his personal opinion). The question of outlawing all sex changes is a bit too much to ask though.

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  2. Alexander (same one again)November 10, 2010 at 4:21 PM

    I think in general this is a really interesting story. My only problem with it is him generalising his experience, that because he felt he was wrong to transition, when he actually needed counselling, he feels that it'll be wrong for everyone, which I don't believe. I certainly think numerous people transition for reasons that will not leave them happier in the end, but I don't think everyone does by any means and I do believe he's overgeneralising.

    Overall however your message is really important I think - that if you regret transition it's not too late, ever.

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  3. This is what happens when you transition and you are unsure...or when the medical professionals don't do their jobs correctly. There's a difference between a transwoman, a drag queen, a cross dresser, and a feminine man, and a gay man. All of which exist if i might add. The issue lies with incorrect diagnosis and approvals being written for people who are not sure. Consequences should be known before hand. Again transition should be a last resort. If it were a last resort and he regretted his transition then there would most likely be no way to go back to being a man without living miserably, even if he could go back just the way he was. He was most likely not a transsexual but transgendered in the a different way such as a cross dresser. He takes his anger out on those who are happy because he is not. I pity him in a way because it was a horrible decision for him apparently. I wish there was something I could do to help him but its really too late. He made that bed and if he feels he was misdiagnosed he should take legal action against the therapists and doctors. Sadly, I'm sure he gave his consent without properly analyzing the consequences and effects of SRS. If he needs to be mad at the trans community and put us down to feel better than that's what he has to do. Ill be his punching bag if it makes him feel better. I'm sure its misery for him... after all I know what its like to be stuck in the wrong gendered body...and to come out twice and be wrong...p =/

    -Jr.

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  4. have any of these girls claiming to be men ever heard of a little thing called PENIS ENVY??

    it'd save them a lot of time, money and grief to just get threapy for THAT instead of thinking it means they have to "switch genders".

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  5. If therapists present clients with hoops to jump through, the clients will focus on jumping through the hoops, telling the right stories, wearing the right clothes, etc.

    If therapists can get clients to think about who they are, what they want, whether gender transition's likely to help, and what warning signs to watch out for, I think it would help some people avoid regrets.

    If therapists would address body issues with gender issues, that might also help.

    M.

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  6. I was on a forum where a transman expressed that he liked the transsexual standards of care and he got called a "gatekeeper." He responded that some gates need to be kept and I agree strongly.

    As many places in the U.S. move toward this informed consent model (which means you say your trans and I say OK and give you hormones when you feel like it; I've seen someone get T within one month of counseling) the cases of trans regret will increase. However I don't think it will increase as much as people suppose, especially on the FTM side due to better passablity, male privilege, and the severity of T withdrawal.

    People transition for many different reasons and it doesn't make sense for Charles to think that everyone is just like him.
    But I also want to stress that not all people who aren't *actually* trans will de-transition and/or have regrets. It would be nice if everybody could discover who and what they really are but due to this society many people never will.

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  7. Anon @ 6:14

    "Penis Envy" is one of Freud's more ridiculous ideas and has been thoroughly debunked.

    Anon @ 7:08

    You are so right. Telling patients to say certain magic words and then checking them off once they do is not therapy--at least, not ethical therapy.

    Pumping bodies full of synthetic, untested hormones and steroids and removing healthy, functioning organs and tissue should be a LAST resort, not a FIRST resort.

    So many people could be saved money, time, energy, and pain if more therapists realized this.

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  8. The issue is it is really easy to fake dysphoria nowadays: you can have information on youtube or on forum or website. So when you arrive in front of the medical staff, you can really fool them. I am pretty sure that if a journalist wants to do an experiment (to write an article or book), it would be really easy to fake a potential FTM or MTF. I am sure that the conclusion of the journalist's investigation will be that no one in the medical staff is trained to check "false positive" ie people who claims they were born in the wrong gender but in fact have other issues and for whom the transition is not the cure...
    What policy makers and medical inusrance and national helath system should do is to put in place mecanism to protect and do a triage of transition candidate...

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  9. Severity of T Withdrawal - I hear that a lot how much trans people suffer when they are late with or can't get their shot. Sounds agonizing. Might be a good post subject all on it's own.

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  10. Also, I wanted to add there are cases of regrets after many years of transition and stealth! One of those is Joseph Kirchner, who was born intersex (and didn't know it), grew up as a gay male, transitioned to female in his 20s and detransitioned after 20 years. He now works as a "mangina man" - but insists his mangina is actually an inside-out penis rather than the female organ it emulates (he's right). He now sounds pretty happy and philosophical about his unusual life, and I think (but I'm not too sure, so check it please...) he too thinks TSism is a delusion.
    As for me, I'm leaning towards this view, lately, but I don't think transsexual people are less worthy or less human for that, nor do I think the responsibility of transition rests uniquely on their shoulders (it's society which compels them).

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  11. Anonymous 2:59,

    Unfortunately, the triage approach encourages patient/clients to keep quiet about any doubts and "stick to the script."

    M.

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  12. Well it's just kind of blatently ignorant of any therapist to discuss transitioning with someone without also going into an in-depth study of feminism (which is the analyis and deconstruction of gender role expectations).

    Because it's obvious that most kids who think they're trans are simply unhappy being forced into one restrictive role and prefer to express some of the characteristics which ARE allowed when someone occupies the opposite gender role.

    And not the post-modern fun happy feminism either. That's the kind which says "anything that makes you happy is feminist". Following those theories to their logical conclusion, killing kittens is feminist as long as it makes you "happy". Well that's just a bunch of excuses and justifications, not authentic feminism.

    I do believe the case can be made that the therapists and doctors who approved Kane's diagnosis without comprehensive discussion of gender-role-expectations extensively, ARE legally liable. To continually assume that all females love frilly frou-frou and must be a boy if they don't, is just negligent not to mention stupid.

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  13. I dunno. I don't think this is a very good example of trans regret. It sounds like the guy just had way too much money on his hands! His case might not have been so drastic had he not had immediate access to surgery and therapies. I don't doubt that he is gender non-conforming, but I don't see him as fit to debunk transsexuality. As with any other point of view, people project from their own experience without realizing that it is physically impossible to know what is actually going on for another person.

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  14. Stories like this are exactly why I supported the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care, and why I think allowing hormones and surgery should only come after a long period of time living in the opposite role and undergoing extensive psychological evaluation and ruling out issues with one's self identity that are not based in true transsexuality. This opinion gets me quite a bit of scorn from a lot of people in the GLBTQIA community, who believe that if a person decides to transition, they should be allowed to make whatever changes they want as soon as they want. I don't agree. I have seen too many cases like this, and I also agree that to some, it is a trend. But I also remind you, that isn't the case for all transsexuals.

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  15. m Andrea said...
    Well it's just kind of blatently ignorant of any therapist to discuss transitioning with someone without also going into an in-depth study of feminism (which is the analyis and deconstruction of gender role expectations).
    --------------------
    YES.
    This is so on target I just want to type it all in caps.
    One would thank that an individual that believes something as unlikely and supernatural as the idea that the body they inhabit is not their own would undertake a deep course of study and investigation into the matter.
    Yet most if not all of these "wrong body" believers have not performed the most cursory investigation into the analysis of that body, of sexed bodies, and of gender itself. One would think that someone born as such a "mistake" would have an acute interest and curiosity in such matters.
    This is how we know this is nothing more than religion. More specifically, a faith based cult. No different than a fervent Christian who has never undertaken to read much less study the bible, yet proceeds to lobby and proselytize the world on it's behalf.

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  16. I regret having a sex change I had srs at age 25 now at age 49 I regret my sex change I am treated like a leper cant get a job or place to live,

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    Replies
    1. Oh my gosh. I know this is an old post, but I know exactly how you feel. I transitioned 35 years ago (never had the surgery, though) and if it weren't for my family I would be homeless. I too got denied a few jobs when they discovered the truth about me. I was always trying to hide my gender situation that caused so much stress I started drinking heavily just to keep some lousy job. I stopped taking hormones about five years ago because I didn't care anymore.

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