Change Your World-NOT your Body

Friday, October 15, 2010

Dirt's Comment Open Day


As promised, Friday is open comments day. I ask again please, no spam.



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36 comments:

  1. The more I lurk around trans sites, the more they seem pro-ana websites with the flimsy justification of "scientific studies have proved, albeit not conclusively...etcetcmantra". And FtM boards look like teen female fashion boards, the same topics keep popping up, except that it's not "do these jeans make my butt look fat", it's "do these jeans make my butt look female". These are dangerous places for unsure teens. The only thing holding me back from saying trnassexuality is an invention is the case of those extremely young children feeling "wrong genitalia". Nonetheless, trans boards are extremely toxic and trans people generally very unhappy (and some of them, if not all, are, together with society's misogyny, the cause of their own unhappiness). My 2 cents I wish I had known earlier

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  2. (forgot to mention) from a former genderqueer/FtM woman who has finally found herself without hormones or surgery

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  3. Anon,

    I'm happy for you that you found a way through those feelings.

    My last ex was friends with an ftM and I swear actually had said ftM ask her that same question regarding the jeans!

    Also as a typical Butch baby girl, having no visible Butch woman role models, I was accepted by boys as one of them and for all intents and purposes believed myself to be a different kind of boy. That didnt make me a "transsexual", it made me a baby Butch who saw no visible reflection of herself anywhere.

    dirt

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  4. I'm the one who sent you a mail and promised to answer last weekend...sorry. It's not just that I'm busy though, it's that I don't know where to start because this subject is so huge and complicated. Do you have some sort of chat address? You can email it to me, I feel like talking in real time might help me express all I have to say. If you are open to it, of course

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  5. Do you have a facebook or would you prefer yahoo messenger or something?

    dirt

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  6. I sent you my msn address via mail

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  7. Thank you for providing a counterweight to the often-delusional trans community. Though I do find some of your posts offensive, I will admit you have good points, and I admire and respect you for voicing them in no uncertain terms. I am able to see your message is not one of hate, but rather directed at countering the misogyny that permeates our society and seems (sadly) to be the driving force behind many transpeople's decisions to transition.

    Despite reading your blog and agreeing with a lot of your arguments, I still have some issues with your theories. For one, I believe that there are many transpeople out there that are not delusional, or motivated by conscious or unconsciously internalized misogyny. I especially find your theories on transwomen a bit far-fetched.

    I consider myself a transguy, but your blog has given me a lot of food for thought and made me realize that I am harboring some subconscious misogyny. Maybe I am just a butch or andro dyke in denial - maybe not. I believe it's possible to transition to being a man (though I don't have any delusions about the end result with regard to what surgery and hormones can do, my body will never be truly "male") without hating women - that is, it's possible to identify as a guy not because you hate women and by extension hate yourself for being born female, but simply because you don't feel at home in a female body and identity. In any case, being 18, I think I have much too little life experience to be making important and permanent choices like medical transition - I am giving myself a very flexible timeline for exploring my identity and seeing if I would be comfortable with only social transition, modifying my body through non-surgical and non-hormonal means, or even living with a female identity. I think transition is something that should be approached with extreme responsibility.

    With regards to your comments on FTMs wanting to perform as drag kings, or trying to avoid selective service, or trying to gain access to lesbian-only spaces: I completely agree. If you've decided to live as a man, you have to accept all the responsibilities and discomforts that come with it.

    I think your blog should be recommended reading for all transpeople. If one is incapable of at least critically evaluating opposing views without pulling out the "transphobia" and "hate" cards, where has the world come to? Again, even if I disagree with a lot of your views, they've helped me do some soul-searching and develop a less one-sided view of transition.

    As for the question part: I wonder what your stance on intersex people is? Perhaps you have covered this topic before, I haven't yet had the chance to read your extensive archives.

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  8. I agree with Nick in that I believe all people should question their internalized misogyny, but I do not trust Dirt as a resource for that because I believe serious personal issues are informing her beliefs.For instance if you look back in her blog to her post about Chaz Bono, you will have to bear witness to her seething hatred of fat butches (presumably making fit butches look bad by joining the community?). To me this is one of many indicators that this person does not have a level of comfort with the female form. It's simply a biological fact that women have more body fat than men, and acceptance of the beauty in the female body is a fundamental tenet of feminism. Frankly, I've seen alot more of that in my trans community than I find here.
    There are numerous glaring inconsistencies in Dirt's "theories". She advocates for tolerance and compassion during the process of people realizing that they are *not* trans but butch instead, yet she has zero tolerance, compassion, or understanding towards transpeople. And goes as far as to constantly negate the male identity of transmen. Now, I've seen that from very few people in my life, though I know they think it. It seems only to come from people whose masculinity is threatened by transmen.
    It took me years and years to tease out the difference between a misogynistic culture and my desire for a more masculinized appearance in the world. I trust myself, as Dirt does not, to know exactly where that difference lies. The same way I trust that lesbians actually have a desire for other females, despite a male-centered culture that claims lesbians have just been hurt by men. What Dirt doesn't seem to be able to grasp, is that she cannot speak with authority on that which she hasn't lived. It's a maturity thing.

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  9. Hey Dirt, I think you are trying to dismantle the master's house with the master's tools. You use a biologically deterministic view of woman/man to talk about gender in the trans community. Because I was born with a vagina I must be a woman? What is your definition of woman? You preach self-love but you seeth hate.

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  10. To the last anon, clearly you've read next to nothing of my blog let alone comprehended what you have.

    Regarding "fat butches", its a known fact in BF communities that there is a weight number many lesbian reach where they go from IDing from dyke to "butch". I've also explained numerous times this isnt because their weight suddenly made them realise they were "butch" but because patriarchal pressures/notions that dictate hyper-femininity and the accepted weight that hyper-femininity falls between. So that once dykes fall above that weight they "feel" unfeminine (which Butch is ignorantly presumed to be) and default to "butch".

    And if you're a long time member of the BF community online/realtime then you know the weight/drinking crisis many in our community are facing which for far too long, far too many continue making excuses for by utilizing "feminist choice" as a polite way of ignoring the problems while B/F's going suffering.

    Yet another area the lesbian community fails lesbians.

    dirt

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  11. If you were born with a vag and arent intersex than you're female, not too complicated and nothing hateful about it. Whether you put limits on what it means to be a female is up to you, personally I do not.

    Whether I play a Sunday afternoon game of football with my all male buddies, pass as male in public, bake a cake for my lover or rock my nieces infant son to sleep in my arms, everything I do, I do as a female, because I'm female. Being is doing, not the other way around.

    dirt

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  12. Regarding intersexed, first and foremost have ZERO to do with "trans", people are BORN intersexed.

    Intersexed should be given time and space to tell the parents how they identify. Until they are able, parents should be open minded regarding their sex. Most are primarily one sex and that will show itself usually before they can speak. None should be operated on or given hormones against their wills.

    dirt

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  13. I found a homepage about a failed "penis" operation. Altough it's in german the photos saying more than thousand words. The owner of this homepage is very brave. S/he had so much trouble and pain. You will never see such things on other ftm sites never.

    http://www.trans-sexuell.info/

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  14. A message to anyone who is questioning their gender: You are who you are. Dirt cannot tell you if you are female or male, neither can You-tube or trans forums. You will find it within yourself. Don't let yourself be persuaded one way or the other. Just be.

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  15. @Elzi, Danke schöne for the link ;o)

    I have browsed all the site : the photos are so self-educational, they should be shown to every transguy considering a phallo...The most impressive I have ever seen so far.
    I have a lot of compassion for this person who expressed his deepest regets in having done this phallo whose result is closer to a white worm than any realistic dick and also his arm is brrr...(just use google translation on the site if you want to know more..)

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  16. Yes, women have a higher percentage of body fat than men, and that has nothing to do with being overweight. Chaz Bono was and is severely overweight, before and after transition. Let's try a little intellectual honesty, okay?

    Dirt is right on about lesbians defaulting to butch if they happen to be overweight, or don't meet patriarchal beauty standards in some other way. Happens all the time. And it doesn't help that the straights tend to refer to any woman with shortish hair as butch, either. (Ellen DeGeneres, for example. Puhleeze, Mary.)

    Also, if you go around using expressions like "tease out," you might as well wear a billboard that says, "I took a lot of queer theory/lit crit/Foucaultderridabutlerpalooza-type classes in college, and that's where I get my ideas about gender." Expressions like "using the master's tools to dismantle the masters house" also suggest a bit too much time swimming in that particular academic pond.

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  17. I think you should stop attacking particular people and posting photos of people. You have some good points and you could make them without attacking individual people.

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  18. Okay, well I'm not content to let a word define what I am or what I do with my body. "Women" have *widely* varied testosterone levels, amounts of hair, clit-sizes, vocal ranges, and sizes of breasts (including none at all). "Women" pass as male, work in male fields, have male friends, athletic prowess, and muscles. Women can be handsome, with strong jaws and broad shoulders and bake cakes too. Many women I've met have almost nonexistant menstrual cycles and at least a few have had mysterious "double hernia" surgeries at the site of their ovaries. Who gives a crap? What's in a word? Nothing. I have no vested interest in this world's definition of man, woman, queer, dyke, boi, trans, genderqueer blah blah. The human race has displayed stupidity before and gender fundamentalism is no exception. What never ceases to surprise me is that butch dykes tend to have the most vocal opposition to ftm's. When I first thought about transitioning, it was *only* the butches in my life who tried to tell me who I *really* am, based on a projection of their discomfort around gender onto me. Nobody else cared. There is a psychological process called differentiation, wherein a person can understand themselves to be different from another and therefore have more compassion for themselves and for the other. I can't think of an ftm who is unable to do this in relation to butches, because we understand ourselves to be different from butches. Somehow some butches just can't settle down around this idea. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: real butches aren't threatened by ftm's.

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  19. So many self id'd trans people don't subscribe to gender roles and would fight for their right to bake cakes, be nurturing, play football, be a boy, be a girl, whatever. Gay people don't corner the market in gender imagination. I know a bunch of no-hormone, no-surgery transpeople who don't feel they have any gender at all.
    I think people's shared understanding of gender is changing and you older gays just aren't ready for it because your whole gay identity is based on there being only two genders. But gender only has the meaning we ascribe to it. Shared human understanding has changed alot over the history of the race, and it will change again. Hell, a couple hundred years ago you might have been forced to marry and bear children because you have vaginas. That thought is unthinkable now. I have compassion for you because the rug is getting pulled out from underneath you and you weren't prepared to have a new thought in your head, but transguys are not going anywhere. In fact I'm guessing our ranks will only grow, and what we should make sure to preach is respect for butches, respect for femmes, respect for all women, and respect for ourselves.

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  20. hey Dirt, I really appreciate you being willing to post comments from opposing viewpoints.

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  21. Just thought I'd like to PROUDLY say- I have a vagina and I'm a (trans)MAN. That's what's up.

    Dirt, stop saying people are something that they're not and stop trying to be so traditional when it comes to the gender binary and such.

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  22. This is how i take what Dirt is saying. Please correct me if i'm wrong.

    The trans dogma is that you have a physical sex and a mental gender. The physical sex comes from your chromosomes, your genitalia, etc but you have a mental gender also that may or may not "match" your physical sex.

    I think Dirt does not believe in the concept of mental genders at all. Because this is the complete antithesis of trans thinking, trans individuals have a hard time seeing this at first. i know because that's how my mind was working for a while.

    That is not to say that all women share a common mindset as far as what it means to be a woman. There are differences in the minds of different kinds of women but to say that those differences constitute a different gender is impossible in a view where mental genders do not exist. For instance, in order to say "I'm not female" while in a female body 1) you have to believe in mental genders 2) you MUST put mental limitations on what it is to be female even if that limitation is simply I'm not comfortable ID'ing as female and she is so I'm not female. Trans people, in order to exist as such, must limit female and male. The limitations that trans people put on what it means to be female need not be blatant stereotypes such as women like certain clothes, certain activities,etc. And increasingly FTM's are identifying as femme men or male but not a man or something similar. Even these FTM's have put boundaries on mental gender although they may have nothing to do with stereotypes.

    If you throw away the idea of mental genders, then transgenderism falls apart. You are then a woman who wants to look like a man and may or may not take strides to do so. Not "a man inside." I am what i think i am does not apply here. That's like a black person saying "I'm white inside". It make no sense and it is offensive.

    Because Dirt's stipulation for female is the member of the physical sex of female there are really no mental limitations at all, no sterotypes, no identity issues, no emotional, sexual or intellectual activity can keep you from being female. Biologically female is the only definition of female. It is a binary but not a mental one at all. It's not one that has been intellectually divined. It is also a binary that is not destroyed even through the entire trans process. you still have your chromosomes. So these people that trans call biomales are the only males under this view and transmales are still women.

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  23. I can see that Dirt does not believe in the concept of a mental gender, but the concept of a physical body dictating a female or male gender seems just as arbitrary as any other delineation. Especially when you consider the giant hormonal/chromosomal/physical range of what's considered to be "female". So then, we are just talking about words. And after we let go of words telling us what we are and how we should be, there's nothing left. So we are left to just look and be however we want. There's no crime in not wanting breasts. Or in wanting bigger muscles, or in wanting to appear male in the world. If a person believes they *know* what it means to be male or female, it's true for them. And no amount of claiming some other "truth" will change how it feels to be them.

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  24. Dear Dirt,

    When will you be blessing us with more Dirt Porn? Think it's about time for another HOT story. I want you to tickle my femaleness from the outside in and help me exercise my vaginal muscles ;)

    Hot stuff.

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  25. Thanks for the chat this week Dirt and for being there to talk to about all this stuff. Thanks too for that British scone recipe. You were so right about using British lemonade it really does make those fuckers rise well, so fluffy and delicious with raspberry jelly.
    Later.

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  26. @Anon who said: "the concept of a physical body dictating a female or male gender seems just as arbitrary as any other delineation"
    -------------
    There is no such thing as a female or male “gender”. Female and male refer to biological sex. Gender is a socially constructed system of political law based on male supremacy.

    The act of assigning gender based on sex at birth is anything but arbitrary in a world of apartheid based on reproductive status. Feminism 101.

    The trans philosophy upholds and supports male supremacy, misogyny and crimes against women.

    If that were not so, women would not be trying to disguise and deny their reproductive sex in order to escape the sociopolitical cost of performing behaviors non-conformative to male supremacy and members of the ruling class would not think the idea of denying their sex and slumming as a member of the underclass was liberating, exciting and fun.

    Try being white and wishing you were black. Dress in blackface and insist that blacks accept you as one of their own. Tell those who live under racism that minority organizations are "racist" for excluding privileged whites who "feel black inside". Explain how your "internalized feeling" of being "trans-racial" is not only divorced from racism, but erases your white privilege entirely. Then tell blacks that they are privileged over your whiteness because they are free from trans-racial body dysphoria.

    Or be black with a deep inner feeling of whiteness. Lobby to have your insurance carrier cover the cost of your medical care as a trans-racial person. Medically change your appearance so you “pass” as white, achieving the racial self you always felt inside. Insist that blacks are racist from excluding you from black spaces and inform them you have gained no white privilege. Tell them you have simply “evolved”.

    Yeah, I didn't think so. But as long as it's women's bodies and lives and spaces you want to fuck with- who cares, right?

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  27. Hi Dirt. I just wanted to share this masterpiece that reminds me of you, and the very important type of obligation you speak of. Please I spent a very long time on it, it means a lot to me that you see it.

    http://i842.photobucket.com/albums/zz350/CuddlyWubbles/gickrcom_78e8b1d7-c3cb-87f4-2512-d95287098606.gif

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  28. Syvilan,

    I'm sorry but I never go to links from those I dont know.

    thanks though for whatever time you spent.

    dirt

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  29. it was just some nazi crap anyway dirt

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  30. WAFFLES! How are you hun????

    Waffles, you made my morning. Seeing your name reminded me of some of the fondest memories I have of my dad. Waking up on the weekend to the smell and taste of his homemade waffles. He was an AWESOME cook.

    So in honor of my dad I made waffles for breaky this morning.

    I know everyone probably thinks this, but I had the best dad in the world.

    dirt

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  31. To Anon that said "To me this is one of many indicators that this person does not have a level of comfort with the female form."

    Dirt loves being made love to, loves having her body, her curves caressed and held. She loves her vagina, clitoris being touched, kissed, licked and stimulated to orgasm. Like any butch woman she does have some 'butch shame' but she doesn't have issues with the female form. She loves her curves, she loves my curves. I am not muscular, am no supermodel either, I'm curvaceous and she loves that about me. Her body is perfect in my eyes because it's hers and it gives us both pleasure.

    Making fun of 'fat' is not cool, I agree. A desire to be fit, lean, build muscle and to speak out about the unhealthy behaviours within lesbian/gay/queer communities (such as alcoholism, binge drinking, drug dependency and excessive weight gain often fuelled by mental health issues), does not translate to Dirt not having 'a level of comfort with the female form'.

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  32. Honey,

    You definitely have some dangerous curves and I definitely LOVE rounding them! And I love that you love mine!

    love ya sexy!

    L

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  33. Anon,

    Regarding the link spreading Nazism, thanks for the heads up. Given my 33+ years immersed in the Shoah, I cannot stomach that kind of ignorant, hate filled garbage.

    dirt

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  34. To the Anon regarding "dirt porn", working on a story as we speak..lol

    And I'm glad your vag gets a workout from them!

    dirt

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  35. Anon,

    You are more than welcome for the chat, it does a mind good to talk about this stuff and you are also welcome for the recipe.

    Hope you try my chicken and dumplings recipe, I promise you it will be the BEST you've ever had!

    dirt

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  36. Closing comments.

    Thanks to all who commented whether we have common ground or not, I hope none the less we all listened and more importantly heard each other.

    dirt

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