Change Your World-NOT your Body

Thursday, August 12, 2010

This is the Female Brain on "T" (testosterone)

 A tiny fragmented sample of the hate, vile and threats left in comments and emails regarding me/my blog from yesterday alone and that doesnt even begin to cover the forums and communities where its much much worse because it is in private.

This is what the medical community AND the larger lesbian community need to see, this is the after results of the female brain on male hormones when simply confronted with a stranger on the internet across the country or the across the globe whom does not agree with/support their blurred trans notions. I wont hazard a guess to think what would happen were someone to disagree in real time with them. Based on the comments alone I think we both know and know it would involve violence. And given the shear volume of violent, hate filled bullets being rapidly fired at me by trans(men), I think its fair to say that this isnt merely a couple of angry females on "T" who were likely angry before "T". THIS clearly is a result of "T" on the female brain and it aint pretty folks, its aint pretty.


  1. i left after my ex girlfriend's third testosterone injection. i also left with a black eye. whoever says this drug does not change a person is a liar.

  2. Wow, T is making women violent. This really is scary. We need to hear more of what is happening to women wanting out of these relationships. The black eye that anonymous mentions is classic male behavior when the woman walks. So if they are transitioning into males, this is what is likely to come with it.

    And the hate mail is ugly, but lesbians really need to get a clue about what's going on out there!

  3. Stay strong.

    It's amazing how just trying to tell people something makes them so mad. You would think they could disagree with you without becoming so abusive, but that speaks to their character.

    This is such important information you are providing. I only wish some of the women who are thinking of transitioning could read it as a cautionary tale rather than becoming so defensive. It could save them a lot of unnecessary surgery, pain, etc.

    It really bothers me that no one seems to be concerned about what the long-term results of using testosterone could be. Are they shortening their lives in some way? I know one young transman who has liver cancer, possibly from the unsupervised use of T. I care that these people could be harming themselves without being adequately informed.

    There are so many other ways of dealing with being a female-bodied person who doesn't fit in. I wish they had the vision and imagination to see that. Makes me sad...

  4. Again, an extremely well though out post dirt. As a fellow lesbian, it shames me that women are degrading their bodies in this way and I feel that you have done an excellent job of shining some light on this often overlooked issue. I am however a bit curious what your views on mtf trans people are. Personally, I see these people as a larger threat to our community as they are more readily able to infiltrate our spaces and leave less room for womyn to congregate together. Again, excellent work and I hope to read more of these articles in the future!

  5. I am a butch lesbian who is confused about my gender identity. I don't plan to go on testosterone or alter my body in any way, but even without these things most people confuse me for a man. I wonder if this is what causes my gender confusion.

    Have you ever heard of this happening?

  6. I had a male to female trans hit on me once- I was a young dyke and not too familiar w/ this kind of stuff. This was in the mid to late 80's. He/she did not tell me that they were male to female- before he/she kissed me...when I found out, I was pissed off! I dropped "it" off at "it's" house and did not call "it." He/she said that he/she was a real woman- as he/she had surgery to become a "real" woman. What blows my mind is how people are so convinced that a surgery and hormones makes them the sex that they want to be- rather than the sex they are. I understand the temptation to want to be what you are not- as a lifetime butch lesbian, I know the pain of alianation, isolation, being misunderstood, and labeled as a freak. I was not a freak! I was what I was born to be- and if society had a problem w/ that...well, that was just too damn bad! It was a tough journey but I would never have given in to the pressuren to conform, by being hetero or by changing my sex- so that I might fit in! I am a tough, courageous, and resiliant person- because I soldiered on and I didn't compromise my beliefs. Oh, I made plenty of mistakes, but I never gave in or screamed "MERCY" when the going got tough...and it did! I am not comfortable w/ trans people and do not understand why they are lumped in w/ the LBG"T" community- because, after all, aren't they just plain ol' men and women...fitting in to status quo America?! After their sex changes, they've solved their gender identity they can get on w/ "normal" life. It's never that simple...ever! Butch lesbians are some of the strongest, most resiliant people that I have ever known. It takes chops to be a butch woman- how dare these fakes pop-off like that! I think they should get some balls...oh wait...nevermind- they already have balls- albeit fake and funny looking balls...but a facsimile thereof! Don't listen to them dirt- they haven't got near the "balls" you do! Keep it up!

  7. To the confused Butch lesbian,

    Yes, being confused for a male, being treated like a male, all these things contribute to Butch Body Dysphoria.

    The good news is, most of us grow our of it as we mature, and as we mature we realize how wonderfully unique we are as Butch women. There truly is NOTHING like us on the planet!

    If you are having more than just basic Butch Shame, contact me asap at

    But what you are feeling is perfectly normal (sadly) for a Butch in hetero-patriarchal society.


  8. Stay strong Anon,

    You betcha! Nothing stronger than a fierce Butch woman!


  9. Anon,

    I got better than "balls", I have OVARIES! Not only do they produce "E", they produce natural "T" too! Nothing greater than the ever efficient female body! Its just awesome!

    And dont get me started on breast! Yours, mine, theirs, I love them!


  10. I am a ftm and it shames me to see other transmen speaking of such hatred and violence. Though i do not agree with most of your blogs I do enjoy reading them because i like seeing other peoples views. But I do want to put it out there they we are not all like this. SHAME ON THE TRANSMEN THAT WROTE THESE HATEFUL THINGS TO YOU! If you don't like what she has to say stop reading it and do not further spread hatred and violence after all isn't that what we are trying to get away from.

  11. Everyone who speaks their mind on the internet can expect some vitriol thrown at them, no matter what the topic is or which side of the topic you're on.
    I've had my share and, as is apparent, so have you, which I find rather detestable. It's pathetic to read such things, as if a person can't find a way to express how and why they disagree and so they just stoop to flinging the verbal equivalent to their own feces.

    There's things you've said that do hold true. Stories of negative experiences with the trans community that I do agree need to be let out.
    Personally, I'm of the opinion that a person should figure him or her self out before they join such a community, or that they at the very least should be very, very critically minded when choosing a community and making damned sure they run like hell from anyone who proclaims they can tell them who they are. Self-understanding and self-exploration are things we all have to do ourselves. No one can do these things for us.

    Me, I tried the opposite way, I tried denying, I tried "accepting", I tried "overcoming", I tried being girly, I tried being a butch woman, I tried everything that seemed remotely reasonable, heck, for a little while I even turned to spirituality for empowerment to accept who I was. The thing is, it wasn't until I stopped trying to be a girl that the weight was lifted off my shoulders.
    It took me years to figure myself out and come to terms with who I really am. Sometimes I see people who doubt themselves and don't know who they are and they look for answers in all the wrong places, it's easy to be misled when you ask someone else to answer something you alone can answer.

    Testosterone has not made me aggressive, if anything it's calmed me down. I've never been the sort to yell obscenities over the internet as I just don't think that's a reasonable way to communicate, but I've stood up and walked from the computer a number of times, simply fuming and wanting rather to throw it out the window than anything else, forcing myself to go sit on my bed and breathe for a while until I come to my senses. This hasn't happened since I started testosterone. I still have intense emotions, but instead of them overruling my actions as they otherwise would, I am more aware of them, I "know" that I'm angry and I am in a better position to understand why, which allows me to take a deep breath and address the why, rather than to throw my weight around and scream.
    Ofcourse a person's experience varies, but mine's been entirely positive thus far. My experience is no guarantee that anyone else's will be similar or even better, but the truth is that no two experiences are identical. It seems foolish to suggest that all trans-men are the same, it's even foolish to imply they could even be categorized as two or three different things and no more.

    Sometimes, your blog seems a little one sided, and I suppose it can't really be helped, but it might be a factor as to why there are those that will stoop to vitriol.
    You can come off as preaching that "all" trans-men are closeted lesbians who'll one day regret their decision to transition, and that the only reason people transition is peer pressure.
    I had no peer pressure.
    I have no regret.
    I'm happier now than I've been since, well.. I can't think of when.

  12. The point is all "prospective" Female to Male, Transmen, transguy whoever should have read this article before even considering a transition as the miracle solution to their issues:

    as explained in the article and above, when you transition, you really need to do it for the good reasons and see transitioning as the last option...
    because there are a ton of drawbacks like:
    * loosing at a very young age what was making you pretty
    *or the shortage of partners forcing you to revise your sexual orientation (a lot of straight FTM are single whereas as women, they were having a fulfilling sexual and emotional life)
    * or the long term effect of testosterone on your body
    * or the fact that this transition is never completed because of the technical limitation and cost of will end up with a hairy body, with a bald head and a pussy...and so will never be a male and will have to be out as trans all your life...A MTF does not have those kind of passing & surgery issues...

    So yes it may look cool when talking with pals at your local queer community center but in fact, it is not a joy ride at all...

  13. That last comment in your jpeg is quite incriminating. The "reason" given which explains why men hate women is supposedly because "women hated men first for no good reason and men are just responding to that!" Cluestick: It is entirely healthy for women to be angry at men because of sexism -- why would an informed person believe anything else? Would the person who made that comment make the same comment about racism? The real reason some members of various ethnic minorities get fed up with white people occasionally is because of racism; they are tired of unfair treatment just because of their skin color and they certainly didn't CREATE racism as an excuse for them to be angry at white people!

    Whoever made that comment doesn't know the FIRST thing about genderized expectations, sexism, or anything to do with gender at all; whoever made that comment is assuming that male privilege is somehow acceptable -- which means that whoever made that comment is a person who should certainly postpone transitioning until they know a whole lot more about what they assume they're getting into.

    Unfortunately, I'd have to take the position which says that if these kids want to make bad decisions, then that is their choice. However, the doctors involved are seriously NEGLIGENT when they ignore the extreme role sexism plays in the desire to transition, and FAIL to ensure that these kids understand that gender has only ever been proven to exist as a social construct. Doctors are basing their entire medical treatment and career on hearsay and opinion, not fact.

    Also, to the Anon person here who said T didn't make her angry. Perhaps because you're expecting T to make you angry and you're consciously taking that into consideration. Personally, my period is irregular and sometimes it gives me absolutely no warning that my T is about to spike. When that happens, I go OFF THE DEEP END pretty fast. But when I do know my period is coming, I am able to moderate my responses accordingly. So for instance if I start to get seriously frustrated, I tell myself it's just the T and won't respond to frustration like a crazy person.

    Most of these bio females we're talking about here are probably of the school who believes T has no emotional effect other than bodily changes, so they're not prepared to moderate their response when they flip out over the least provocation.

  14. "This blog is one sided!"

    Really? I suppose you fail to see that blogs in favor of transitioning are one-sided ALSO. Apparently, no one is allowed to hold a different opinion from yours. As soon as someone's opinion disagrees with yours, that alone is enough to make them automatically wrong.

    Please, check your entitlement.

  15. m Andrea
    First of all, you misquoted me. What I said was "seems a little one sided" not "is one sided!"

    "I suppose you fail to see that blogs in favor of transitioning are one-sided"
    Actually, I made no comment about other blogs, and in fact pointed out that the negatives and potential negatives "should" be presented. That due warnings are a good thing.
    I feel that most blogs that suggest that there's only one right path are not only one-sided, but rather arrogant to suggest that "everyone" has the same needs.

    "Apparently, no one is allowed to hold a different opinion from yours. As soon as someone's opinion disagrees with yours, that alone is enough to make them automatically wrong."
    I would like to know why you'd suggest such a thing.
    I didn't state that anyone was "wrong" I expressed my experience and reasons, offering a calm and collected alternate opinion to the one primarily presented by the blogger on this site.
    I took great care to express my experience as my experience, my belief as my belief and my opinion as my opinion, as I always do, because if I were to express them as fact then I would be a right asshole as they aren't "facts", they are experiences, beliefs and opinions.
    I didn't call anyone names, I didn't attack anyone, and I generally conducted myself politely.

    So, how, in my calm and polite expression have I done what you accuse me of?

  16. Sounds like the Tea Partying Redneck motherfuckers against healthcare, limiting the banks and other finance companies from ANY LIMITS, or basically anything Obama does...accusing him of being socialist, nonAmerican, Hitlerian(yes there was a comparison in your above blog, bring out the Nazis every chance to shut someone up), ect. ect.

    So they ARE living up to their 'male' potentials, might as well get a gun, wear a swastika or a confederate flag, jackboots ect....cuz that's what these FTM's sound like...their hatred of the Female, from their own bodies outwards ripples forth their vitriol. Da poor little oppressed males..some of us DON'T want to give ANY males that kind of power in our lives...they've been in power for 2000 years, forced their agendas on us, murdered our strong women, our Butches, our Dykes, our Priestesses, our Amazons, and our outspoken women throughout the world...and now they are trying to eliminate ANY powerful nonfeminine women by sticking some "T" in her, or convincing her she's really 'one of them'.

    No past, present or future males for me, thank you very much.....

    Not that all FTM's are this way, but the types responding to you sound no different than the racist, homophobic, woman hating, anti-semitic Tea Partiers, Fundamentalist rightwing, ect. ect....all of the same ilk.

    And then there's that episode where an FTM murdered a woman who was on Butch/ and that all got swept under the rug. I've SEEN that aggressiveness, and it's not pretty. I don't hang around teenage boys for a reason, or males for that matter, except when making money....because of that very Dyke, Woman, Butch, and Female hating mentality. And who could hate Females more, than one who has renounced all their Femaleness and attempted to erase it from their very Being?

  17. AFTM. No offense but stupid people frequently mistake politeness for intelligence, and manners for logic. I don't care how politely someone shovels a flaming bag of bull, it still doesn't smell like roses.

    The accusation that "this blog is so one-sided" is what entitled sexist pigs always say when a genuine feminist like Dirt offers a critique which they don't agree with. It's not a reasonable accusation to make under any circumstance with one exception --when the person is making the point that ALL sides of a debate are extremely polorized. This you did not do, which is why your manipulation ploy was called out.

    Can you point me to any blog comment where you have EVER told the trans community that their views are "too one-sided"?

  18. Whoa. I'm a transman who's on T, and maybe I'm just an exception to the norm or something, but I would definitely never say anything this violent and hateful. Transmen who claim that their hormones are what's causing them to strike out in violence - or even rape - are just recycling a pathetic excuse for their own perverted moral sense. I don't like the way you're stereotyping transmen as all being angry beings who can't control their impulses. I've never actually wanted to use violence against anyone, not even on the hormones that I'm taking, and if I ever did have those impulses, I would make sure that I had friends with me who would restrain me from lashing out. I can promise you that not all transguys are violent douchebags.


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