Change Your World-NOT your Body

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Lesbians Do NOT Stay Partnered with Transmen FTMs

Regardless of how long the lesbian couple has been together, if one partner transitions, the relationship will end within the first 6 months to a year. Lesbians desire, lust after, fall in love with WOMEN. NOT women cosmetically trying to be men. No female who truly loves females transitions. This is a trans myth, in the same way trans(men) are feminist is a trans myth. If you cannot love yourself as a woman, you will never be capable of loving, respecting, and valuing another woman as the woman she is.

No matter how much we would like to use feminism to justify our choices, feminism cannot be interpreted to encompass any risky, self-hating, violent thing a woman does to herself, or takes money for doing, or pays someone to do to her. Feminism does not value women's subordination and women's pain. It doesn't value healthy women's lifetime dependence on the medical system for nutritional supplements or hormones—inevitable outcomes of weight-loss surgery or transsexualism. (amy winter)

dirt (the perpetual trans myth-buster)


  1. thanks dirt for saying this. I am sick of queers calling themselves lesbian or femme then dating these trans types.

    I am a lesbian, I date only proud women period, not women haters.

  2. Anon,

    Thats what I'm here for, some good old fashioned truth telling!


  3. Those 2 fake penis pictures are grotesque. If I can't have a real one, I'll just wait till next time round thanks!..

    Oh and how good are they going to work seriously??!!.. PASS...

  4. Yep, thanks for your continued truth-telling, Dirt. You do great work here.

    I used to run into that crap-attitude all the time when I still hung out in "transmen" spaces. The best thing that ever happened to me when I was still considering "transitioning" was that my femme partner had a meltdown and said she couldn't handle it if I did. See, before she came out as a lesbian she'd dated men - and that didn't work for her. Being with women worked for her -- and that's WHY she's a lesbian. In response, my "transmen" friends told me that my partner was "oppressing" me, that if she "really" loved me she'd stay with me anyway, that she would just "get over it", and so on. I was told to judge her based on how well she perverted her natural self to accommodate ME.

    That was one of my eye-opening experiences in this whole crock of shiat called "transitioning" and "trans". I even argued with these "transmen" friends - "If I'm REALLY to become a man, why would ANY lesbian still want to be with me, or any of us?" Their answer always was: She just has to.

    So, in other words, because I/we were now "men", it was her DUTY to submit to us like a good little woman, even though it wasn't what worked for her.

    That's a crock of shiat when men insist on that. And it's a crock of shiat when women pretending to be men insist on that for other women.

    The good news is, that because I didn't listen to my "transmen" friends, and because I clung to the real love AND the real person of my partner for who I AM, I not only did NOT transition, but I've also continued to learn about and respect myself as a butch woman in ways that would have been murdered had I listened to the medical/psych junk science of "transitioning".

    And, by the way, my femme partner and I have now celebrated 7 years together -- the best 7 years of my whole life.

  5. Awesome comment Nat! And congrats on having the strength, courage and insight to stay true to yourself and your partner!


  6. Fully agree about the "trans myth" claiming that FTM are feminists or more caring than biological male.
    It is wrong and not confirmed by life experience ;)
    Those myths should deserve a whole post on your blog.

    Those myths were invented by trans male to still be accepted in lesbian bars and to convince "lesbians" to have sex with them...:o)
    A "lesbian" that date a trans for me is a bisexual woman (or more exactly a freak lover...). Nothing to be proud of...

    Either those FTM are fully male and they can't claim being close or understanding a woman.
    Or they are female and so this transition is in fact a permanent mutilation and damages to their body that serves only the interest of testosterone producers and plastic surgeons regardless of their feminity...
    And don't tell gender is not binary and all those queer therocians shit ;)

  7. Woot! Dirt, you are AWESOME!!

  8. You're absolutely right about this one and I need to email my response to you....

  9. That is really a concern of mine. I've worked so hard to convince especially nonleather lesbians to practice safe sex(most leather lesbians know about and practice safe sex with casual/nonfluid bonded partners). I've known too many to come down with Herpes or other STD's. To include gay men in the mix because FTM's want to date EVERYONE, from Gay/bi men to Lesbians, puts us in a much higher risk category.

    But hey folks, it's SIMPLE. Dykes want to be with DYKES..with other FEMALES, that's why we ARE Dykes/Lesbians...and Lesbian has got to be almost a dirty word(replaced by those coopting the term Dyke, who are not, or using the term 'queer woman' for 'anything goes'.)

    I remember one year when I went to my leatherwomen's group at the time, and there was one well known and loved figure in the community who was having a double mastectomy because of breast cancer, no choice in the matter and we had an event for a fundraiser for her since she had no insurance and AT THE SAME TIME, was another interloper who came to said WOMAN TO WOMAN meeting and proudly pulled up her shirt and bragged about how she had her breasts removed, and showed it off...I was so fucking disgusted, it was one reason I quit going back to this group...
    fast forward several years later and this self same individual is now leading a FEMALE IDENTIFIED BUTCH breasts, and no longer identifying as FTM, supposedly, but still the hormone induced voice.

    Meanwhile the double breast cancer survivor is nowhere to be found, or minimally so, having struggled just to survive, and still Female as far as I know....

    Comparing yourself(the MTFS) to a woman who no longer has a womb and enforced hysterectomy because of cancer or other female disease and can't get pregnant and is forced into premature menopause, or the FTM's comparing themselves to a breast cancer survivor when you CHOSE to have your breasts removed, is just so absolutely misogynist and disgusting to me that it shows just how insensitive the trans movement is to bio-female reality and Being.

    Keep on keeping on! Dykes and Lesbians date FEMALES WHO ARE PROUD TO BE FEMALE, whether they be Butch, Androgynous, Femme or any other XX combination thereof...

    Otherwise, just call yourself a 'queer woman' and quit coopting OUR IDENTITIES. I've said this before and I'll say this again. I've known too many Dyke Femmes who have told me they just can't find a Butch to date, or are having a very hard time, because so many are identifying as MALE, or some version thereof....and they really, really are mourning the loss...the other coopters are 'queer women' or bi/queer/pansexual femmes, NOT Dyke/Lesbian Femmes....

    There is power to womon to womon love, and NOTHING will replace it, no matter how much whining you do, or attempts at cooptation. Those Dykes/Lesbians who know, KNOW the difference.

    If you're dating a transman, unless you've been in relation to this individual already, you'll be mourning the loss of this individual's female parts/identity/Being/Dyke Self....if not sooner, then later....cuz well, We're Dykes, and we LUST for the authentic FEMALE whatever package it comes in, Butch, Femme, ect. penis or induced testosterone for the purpose of changing 'sex' between us friends/lovers.
    -In Sisterhood,

  10. @Dirt, congrats ! Another myth busted "lesbian" partner does not usually stay with their proud transmale wannabe when they dated them as woman...

    The only one who stays are the oppressed & brainwashed by the "community", by compassion or "nurse" feeling, by ambition (it is so fashionable to date a FTM), the bi in the closet or because they fear the life changes a break-up will cause.

    Sometimes FTM activist or allies say the partner stay for "love" (in the same fashion women of the 50's were not working "for love", were cooking for hours "for love", were taking care of their husband "for love"....). So if you don't do it, you did not love the person...But love is about honesty and boundaries...

    There is not love anymore when the woman you used to love destroys what you liked of her body...And even the mind and temper change...
    Staying with a FTM on the make is like signing a blank contract: you don't know who you will be committed to in a few years...
    More often, you the lesbian will date an old bald male with a beard...
    And one day, you will wake-up and you will cry for all the years lost with the narcissistic "male like monster" sleeping in the bed next to you whereas you should have listened to yourself and be with a cute woman...
    Of course, at that time, all the queer advisors who oppressed you to make that choice would have been long gone out of your life...

    To all those women, one message: you have the right to respect yourself and to go away, just explain you date women...
    And if you are bisexual, you have the choice to find a male partner with the "whole pack" who suits you best...


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