Change Your World-NOT your Body

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Dear Trans Community-An Open Letter from Dirt

I write this for various reasons all of which will be covered. I'll start with the most obvious first, this is a PERSONAL blog NOT an open forum. While you are certainly free to comment what you like, there is no guarantee I will publish your comments. I do generally publish what I consider reasonable comments even if I do not agree with them, but don't be surprised if I do not respond back to you. The general ignorant, hate filled, threat of violence, misogynistic, Femmephobic, Butchphobic, Lezbophobic types of comments and comments where the author is completely clueless about Femme/Butch/Lesbian and Gay history? They haven't a chance in hell of being published, in other words, you're wasting your precious little time typing them up. That may seem unfair, but again PERSONAL BLOG, NOT OPEN FORUM. But, you might twist my arm into allowing all comments, if and when I am unbanned from the multitude of  "butch/femme", "queer", "trans", "ftM" and "Mtf" sites and forums and a level of truth and dissent/debate allowed, till then, the song remains the same.

Next, this blog clearly isnt for the drowned, meaning those who've either transitioned or those so far under the waves all hope is lost. This blog with relation to trans, is for those still on the beaches, men and women who with a little understanding and empathy can and will and have been reached. It is also a place where Femme lesbians and Butch lesbians alike can finally see honest images and representations of themselves and their (our) lives honestly portrayed. Where Butch Shame is written about rather than swept away in some dark filthy corner, where BUTCH femininity is acknowledge, where Butch breasts are beautiful and embraced, where Butch pussy tastes like heaven, where Femme invisibility is acknowledged, where Femme fierceness is admired and brave, where Femmes can read and voice their deep sorrows about how Butch Shame affects their lives, their angers about Butch Shame as well and a place where Femme and Butches together are allowed to enjoy their bodies to the fullest without being accused of being "straight" or accused of being "less than" Butch. Where loving, exploring and embracing the females we were born and women we are in the face of patriarchy is a BRAVE feat no man or no straw(man) has ever or will ever know. So you dear Trans community can dispense with those comments about how "brave" trans(men) are, there has never been anything brave about conformity. Sergei Esenin upon slitting his wrists and writing his last poem in blood said: Goodbye my friend/no hand clasped/no word spoken/do not let me/vex or sadden you/In this life/there is nothing/new in dying/and in truth/to live is nothing new. After hearing about Esenin's death Mayakovsky wrote a poem in response to Esenin's last and said that the difficult thing to do is live, not bow out in some cowardly fashion. Oh and spare me the born-in-the-wrong-body bullshit, because we both know thats exactly what that is, crap. Given you have attached yourself to the Gay and Lesbian movement, you might wanna bone up on your Whitman.

Lets see what else? Ah yes, "community"! The plethora of comments from you and your apologists regarding how dare I post truths about the trans community, how dare I use your own words and images to illustrate those truths when I am one of your "own", a member of your community! Well I'm here to tell ya, I am NOT one of your "own" and I certainly am NOT in YOUR community (although the reverse cant be said, now can it)! Despite the rising numbers of young women/lesbians who've fallen prey to the trans trend, the dominating numbers of post transition remains straight (white) men. Straight white men, are NOT my, a BUTCH LESBIAN'S community! The gay men who transition because of their pathological internalized homophobia? No, not my community either. The lesbian females who transition, a high percentage of which testosterone alters their lesbian sexuality to that of heterosexuality by way of sex with gay men? Nope, females whether they pass as male or not who screw/partner with men are NOT my community. The lesbian females who transition partnering with screwed up straight women (straight women co-opting and colonizing Femme/lesbians identities and spaces) who are then defaulting to "straight" (thats up for debate-can we say Craigs list)? Umm no, again, heteroville isnt MY community and those bored-I-wanna-be-different-cuz-different-is-fun-and-exciting when your are a bored and not so exciting teeny bopper types who are jumping onto the trans trend? Again, little straight girls chasing gay men? NOT MY community.

If a single one of you bothered to know, whether you understood it or not, an iota about Butch history and Butch women, you would know we have no community! We may not be islands, but we certainly are often alone. We may have a few Butch friends, but Butch Shame and the hardships faced daily from society continues with gusts and gales keeping us from one another in large numbers. And feel free not to believe me, but ask any REAL Femme lesbian and she'll attest. This is another issue Femmes have with Butches. But none the less, that aside, however you dress up patriarchy it will NEVER be a place I (a Butch lesbian) will find home or community! So do not EVER attribute your trans-patriarchal-wannabe-gender-normed community to me!

Lastly, I think the dirt-is-a-closet-ftM bullshit is WAY past old at this point. Comments or accusations such as those only strengthen everything written on this blog. Because in all your gender conformist minds it SCARES the fuck of each and every single one of you. Because if a woman like me, a woman who looks, moves, feels the way I do is comfortable with her body, comfortable letting a lover touch her body, embraces her body, a body that outside of my own little space is read as male by society every day. If I can live and breath and love being EXACTLY who and what I am (a Butch woman), that speaks DIRECTLY to that voice in your heads, the voice that you have tried to quell with every shot of "T" and every cosmetic surgery you've had, that woman's voice, your true authentic voice. That is why you are all here with regularity, not because I'm providing "misinformation" or because I'm some "crazy transphobe", but because that voice recognizes herself with every post I make and despite all your efforts she still whispers in your ear "you've made a terrible MISTAKE". So in future take your wrath out on her, she's the one you are really angry with, the one you struggle to silence when you are trying to silence me. 

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20 comments:

  1. Once again, Dirt, you rock.

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  2. Thank Nat. Read your post about the truth about the female body and the effects of "T", awesome post and great info!

    dirt

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  3. Awesome post dirt, you have a powerful lesbian voice.

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  4. What you have to say is great. I really appreciate you. What you say is the truth, I get the sweetest chills when I read your posts. Stay proud.

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  5. twstd,

    You are why I'm here.

    dirt

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  6. "Sergei Esenin upon slitting his wrists and writing his last poem in blood"

    That's hardcore.

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  7. I just have so much respect for you to be a pioneer in telling out loud what lesbian women but also (surprinsingly) straight women think...
    A FTM will never be a male but an hybrid (male body and pussy) who will be fucked only by irrespectful HIV positive gay guys who see them as piece of meat...No respectful and serious woman can commit on the long run to a FTM not at ease with oneself.

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  8. Beautifully written, so beautiful and eloquent, it's almost like music...certainly inspired...I hear you, from one Butch DykeAmazon heart to another....and though we are trying to create our community(ies) again, it is a very hard struggle, sometimes with ourselves! Keep on keeping on!
    -MasterAmazon

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  9. One of my friend was dating a FTM. They came to the point to be engaged but the so called guy broke-up in a very hurtful manner. When my female friend started to tell around what happened, she was labelled as "lunatic" by her previous FTM partner. MY friend investigated about the break-up and it happened her FTM ex-bf broke-up because he cheated on her with a MTF.
    Shocked, my friend opened her mouth more and more and wrote the full story on FB to inform friends they have in comon with this transguy.
    Do you know what her FTM ex-fiance did ?
    He raised a complain at the police stating she was "transphobic".

    So who is this community feeling we are supposed to all share ? Is it only one way ? Will a bio-guy behave like this, in a so brutal way ? If a bio-male would have done that, will you all be shocked ?

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  10. Anon,

    If you or your friend would like, link me to her story and I will share it here.

    dirt

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  11. @Dirt: thanks but she had to take the FB articles with all his friends' comments down because of the legal threat (he sues her for transphobia and invasion of privacy).

    The laws of the Tguy country allows up to 2 years and a huge fine if her previous FTM fiance win.

    A funny detail: "he" raised the complain to the police as a female (as "his" id papers were not changed at that time) so as my friend always dated "him" as a guy, she did not even know his female name so when she was presented to the police officer with the charges, she first thought it was a member of his ex-fiance family who was suing her and then she realised at the reading of the complain that "he" was the 'she" suing her...

    For the "invasion of privacy" charges, my friend made a joke saying "when she was double fist fucking him both vaginally and analy, "he" never complained of invasion of privacy ;)"...

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  12. Thank you SO MUCH for speaking from your heart, when so many masculine- leaning females seemed to have forgotten the sound of their's in the noise of, what i see as, a manipulative, potentially harmful and disturbingly cult like trans community. I'm really glad to know that there are still masculine-leaning females out there who validate the power of their unique experience, selves, appearance and sexiness instead of just jumping onto the "Trans wagon" and calling the former aspects of their lives "stepping stones on the journey to manhood".

    I think that the trans wagon will soon just trundle out of most peoples consciousness and many of those who are fixated on "transitioning" and their "inner maleness" right now will find another wagon to jump on. Hopefully, it won't be as remotely conventional and infuriatingly narcissistic. Best of luck. :)

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  13. Thank you for all your good work. I'm appalled that the notion that anyone can be born with the wrong personality traits for their body has made a comeback. But we are, as you've pointed out, living in an anti-feminist backlash. I remember when we were supposed to be "free to be you and me" -- a logical solution to the problem of restrictive gender roles. Now an entire generation has been brainwashed into believing that hey, they're free to have an operation if they don't feel comfortable in the gender roles society has rammed down their throats from day one. (Or free to use the wrong pronoun, or just "identify" as the opposite sex because they did or didn't play with dolls or guns as little girls or boys, etc., etc., etc.)

    If you start questioning the logic behind the "born in the wrong body" notion, someone will insist, like clockwork, that you read a predictable list of books. That list always includes Stone Butch Blues and Gender Trouble. Both present a highly skewed, idiosyncratic view of gay history. Your takedown of SBB, and the role it's played in the trans trend, was the first I've seen in any online discussion of this issue, and it's badly needed. Again, thanks.

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  14. I am a trans guy and I can appreciate your words. I know from personal experience that gender dysphoria exists and it is very real. However, I worry that so many, especially teenagers, fall into a transition that may not be for them because they think it's "cool" or the popular thing to do. This transition is not for the faint at heart and it is not for everyone. I appreciate you for pointing out that it is not glamorous nor does it solve all the issues a person may be facing.

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  15. Lesbianism, and transgenderism are totally different you stupid bitch.

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  16. Thank you for articulating what I have been thinking and stating on forums for a while now. I too have been labelled as bigoted and ignorant for stating just these views. Thanks for confirming that I am not crazy.

    Thank you for also discussing in a forceful way, the truth about the on going discrimination that butches face in our so called "tolerant","post gay" world. You are spot on that people who defy gender norms are punished and that those who transition are not rebels but are actually buying into gender stereotypes.

    One point though...I do feel that there are some who because of hormonal issues are truly "intersexed"(ie they are borne with male and female characteristices). In my mind, these people should be the only candidates for sex reassignment surgery.

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  17. Dear Dirt,
    I must say, as a trans* community member, reading through your blog has been quite an experience for me. I've been dismissing voices like yours as "backwards transsexual empire types" for far too long without actually considering what you have to say. This, in combination with my academic experiences, has made me wonder exactly what purpose there is in being part of the trans community.
    As much as you've allowed me to see that, the problem with leaving the community is then I don't know where I would go.

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  18. (To the last Anon)

    Wow.

    I know this is for Dirt. You should share your story. And you shouldn't feel alone but know that there are many people who support you, want to understand how you feel, and are probably going through the same thing.

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  19. Anon@1:01,

    You say leaving the trans community you have nowhere "to go", can you explain that further?

    dirt

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