Change Your World-NOT your Body

Thursday, July 15, 2010

The Pressure to Transition and the Deception of the Trans Machine

   















This is is an example of not only how the female "trans myth"  began but how afterward the trans machine is now pressuring some women (a teenager in this case) to transition. Somewhere between the societal straight jacket placed on women and the trans machine this young woman believes she was a "trans kid" because she wanted to wear her brothers underwear. Geez if that were the case nearly every Butch past or present would have been a "trans kid"! I've known some Butches who did wear their brother underwear and others who had parents opened minded enough to purchase what their daughter wanted to wear rather than what society said she should wear based on her sex.

When I was 4 years old a co-worker of my father's was selling a mini-bike, my dad said he'd take it. The guy said "your son sure is going to love this", my dad proudly said "I'm getting it for my 4y/o daughter"! The guy couldnt believe it. And as I was too young then to even ride a two wheel bike my dad fashioned a way to put training wheels on it till I was 5 and could ride it without them. And that began a short list of bigger and bigger mini-bikes till my dad taught/bought me a motorcycle when I was 10.

Thats not say that Butches and butch persuasioned females didnt think at some points in their young lives that they were male or wanted to be male, many do and did. But that isnt because "inside" they are male, it is because they enjoy all things male as girls. They feel more comfortable in boys clothes, they enjoy boys toys and games and rough play( I LOVED the rough area" at school), their closest friends are boys etc. But there were a section of female clothes similar to boys clothes they could be equally comfortable in those and if their were girls toys similar to boys toys, they could easily prefer to play with them and if their were more girls like them they could have easily had them as playmates as they did boys. None of this, NONE of it is any indication that those girls were "trans" then or "trans" now. It simply means they prefer and were/are comfortable with things that are deemed by society outside of their gender.

The "trans machine" would also have you believe that Butch and butch persuasioned women do not transition because they are comfortable and at peace with their female bodies and that it is only trans(men) who werent which is why they transitioned. I know to the Butches/butches out there thats laughable in a very sad sad way. What Butch/butch hasnt HATED herself for being female? Felt complete shame for developing breast and starting her period? Dreamed as a girl of waking up a boy, only to be disappointed years of mornings when she didnt?

Somewhere between narrow sex roles and puberty nearly all Butches and many butch persuasioned girls develop body dysphoria around their breast and pussys. Their breast because their budding growth leave no room for doubt about their sex, their boy dreams thoroughly dashed, their pussys often times worse (greater dysphoria/shame) because of their monthly periods. Periods are a HUGE source of shame and discomfort mentally and physically for Butches and butch persuasioned females and because many Butches grew up with males and had males solely as best friends, once they got their period many would end up feeling quite cut off and alone because they had no close female friends with which to confide their constant shame to.

Very often it isnt until Butches are well into their twenties and thirties and with multiple lesbian relationships behind them (Femmes are a great comfort around this issue, and I've never been with or known a Femme who didnt take up the responsibility of buying sanitary products for their Butch-who even as an adult still often feels ashamed she needs such things) that they begin getting over the worst of their menstrual dysphoria, by and large most of us like all women, simply learn to live with it.

All these sorts of discomforts, misguided boy dreams, shames and body dysphoria's are all what sadly is a "normal" part of Butch/butch childhood/girlhood/womanhood. None of it has anything to do with "trans" or being "born in the wrong body", it does however have EVERYTHING to do with being BORN IN THE WRONG SOCIETY. Born in a society where we have become, each generation of Butches the vampires of our age. Because whenever we look into the mirror of society we have NEVER seen ourselves staring back!

Do NOT be fooled by the trans machine, through strength and perseverance and acceptance most Butches/butches not only learn to be comfortable in their bodies with time, we also learn to LOVE and enjoy our Butch/butch bodies!  

dirt
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6 comments:

  1. Cass, sorry but had to post this myself, blogger is erroring it out.

    Cassaundra has left a new comment on your post "The Pressure to Transition and the Deception of th...":

    more young girls need to hear this message! that being butch doesn't mean being a boy, it just means being a special kind of girl. there's more than one way to be a girl! it scares the crap out of me to think that my sister, if she'd been mind-fucked this way, would have learned to hate her tree-climbing, fast-running, dirt-playing, toy truck loving self. Because my mom was a feminist, she grew up secure and happy instead of hating herself. EVERY girl deserves that, whether gay or straight, butch or femme or somewhere in between. we're ALL girls and get to define that ourselves!

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  2. Dirt,
    The shame that you talk about that little girls feel about their bodies, their choices of how to be 'a girl' was not reserved merely to 'butch' little girl's experience. Sadly, the rigid gender education of boys and girls is designed to condition them to social rules in order to slot them into the appropriate categories governed by social, political and religious hegemony. I don't know how many non-butch lesbians I have known (or tomboy straight girls) that have spoken your words. I don't know one woman that rejoiced as a little girl, the day her first period arrived. I was a ‘girly girl’ child, loved dress-ups, loved pink, loved dolls. I was 11 turning 12 when I got my first period and the day it arrived; I sat on the toilet and just cried, I was scared and knew that I hated this it was ‘yucky’ traumatic painful and wanted it to just go away. I should also mention that I felt shame about not only my period, but the arrival of pubic hair, breasts and curves. I looked different to my other little girl friends, most of whom did not reach puberty until years later. Sleep-over parties filled me with dread as did school swimming carnivals, sports days, and even standing up and walking to the front of the class around period time was terrifying because I feared I may have blood on my skirt. I also felt aware of myself as a sexually developed female and began to feel the ‘male gaze’ for the first time and this also made me aware and ashamed of my body. The boys at school looked at me 'funny' and laughed at my body, and my 'boobies!'.

    If on the day that my period arrived, and for so many years later, I could have taken a pill to stop my period ever coming back, I would have taken it. I was so ashamed of not only of the physical aspects of menstruation (even its name includes the word ‘men’) but the social responsibility. I was so scared of anyone knowing I had my period that I made my father purchase sanitary pads for me. My mother treated it like a coming of age celebration and made it a family occasion to proclaim “Oh! My little girl became “a woman” today. My brothers burst out laughing and they teased me about it. I was mortified that my mother could take something so private and treat it like some kind of public rite of passage. She was proclaiming to me and my whole family “you are different now” and that made me feel more ashamed.
    How many of us still feel the weight of social responsibility and continue to feel shame about our “monthly visitors”? How many of us don’t hesitate in the isles of the supermarket when approaching the ‘women’s hygiene products’ section? How many of us rejoice when our ‘visitors’ arrive each month? How many of us would like to round up and throw a grenade at advertising executives that write advertisements for sanitary products showing fit, non-bloated, ‘happy’ women (often eating health food-yeah right) running through the breeze in skimpy underwear?

    We need as women to talk about our experiences of our bodies at various stages in development and ageing, so we can see that these issues of shame and discomfort are often shared. By keeping these stories in the closet, we are not sharing and learning from each other. There are more similarities than differences in our experiences and we need to voice them so that we are not assuming ‘I am the only one that felt shame’ or ‘different’ and that these feelings of 'being different' in our bodies automatically = GID.

    FA x

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  3. You had a motorcycle at age 10? Badass.

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  4. Once again you are TOTALLY right on, Dirt. If our local cultures had mentors and places and rituals and such for us growing up, we'd have all this sorted out and STILL be butches - we'd just be happy, well adjusted butches. I mean, men go through similar issues about identity - I remember my brother worrying about whether he was or would be "man" enough because his body was or wasn't doing something he thought it should. The DIFFERENCE is, HE had stuff to help him process all of that, and come out the other side comfortable being who he is.

    But as butches in modern society, all we often get is pushed to go through "femme girl" processes that are worse than meaningless to us.

    Then today, to make matters even worse, "post-modern" society then tells us that the "fix" is to mutilate ourselves chemically and surgically to make us "men" (which it does not) so we now "fit" (which we do not).

    If we don't find our way - our REAL, NATURAL BUTCH SELVES way - then we spend our lives soaking up booze or testosterone or meth or plastic surgeries, along with all the psych drugs we can swallow, all hoping to be happy.

    But happy only comes from walking through your trials, and becoming stronger by doing so.

    And that's another reason it's so important that Dirt and so many other butch lesbians are standing up these days - standing against the lies of the age-old modern world, to be sure, but also against the bigger lies of the post-modern world.

    Our butch sisters - young and old - need to see each of us being who we are, being strong, being real, so they know they can do the same. So they know that suicide and reality-sucking cut-n-drug isn't the best thing they can do in their lives.

    Thanks, Dirt.

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  5. FA,

    Great points! I recently asked a handful of females I know (some hetero/some lesbian), that if after starting their periods, if someone had offered them testosterone and told them this drug would relieve them of their periods albeit changing their feminine appearance would they have taken it, ALL said yes! They said due how uncomfortable they felt, the shame, the dysphoria, the hormone changes, the pain, the worry of bleeding through clothes, the how could my body do this to me feelings etc. they believe they would have done anything to stop having them.

    This is a HUGE area where both the lesbian community (especially Femme/Butch spaces) and the shrinks who issue “T” have a lot of work to do! As lesbians we need to express the feelings we’ve all had in and around menstruation, especially the shame based areas and shrinks need to include this in their understanding of how this issue alone can cause a female to seek transition.

    Shame, dysphoria, embarrassment, fear, hate, all these feelings around menstruation can be quite “normal” for many females, it is NOT an indication that females who feel this way are “trans” and should “transition”. Until we begin real talks about how our bodies are during periods and how we mentally deal or mentally crumble during our periods, the shame and dysphoria will continue plaguing us and some females will continue seeking solace in a bottle of testosterone.

    dirt

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  6. My discomfort back in childhood and teenagehood with my feminity was due to the fact I was not comfortable at all with girlie stuff and activities: I was wearing guys clothes, doing martial art, chose a "male" job and a lot my friends are male...

    Also I had a disease called "hirsutism" in its moderate form with facial and boobs and body hair (so you can imagine how all those FTM craving for their monthly T shot like Messiah and then showing their first hair growth on Youtube sound pathetic to me ;)

    My father helped me to understand there was nothing wrong in doing male job and that I should struggle to strenghten my position and that it could be a competitive edge to a female.

    My mother offered me hair removal treatment under a dermatologist supervision for my 18's birthday (we were not rich so could not afford before). I still do laser every year as I can afford it now (the male job ended up becoming lucrative ;)

    Frankly, I used to be the real tomboy until my 20's when I started to date women and first identify as butch to finally become a sexy femme. I like now wearing nice dresses from time to time and yes I borrow the male shirts from my butch girlfriends (after love to get beers from the fridge...;o)

    Imagine my life if I had this childhood now: I would have been so pressured to transition and I would have regretted it so much because my life would have been so different in the sad way :o)

    My message to young lesbians and butches who may feel not at ease with themselves and their body and who are pressured to transition is : it is normal. I experienced that until my 30's and now I am so happy.

    Don't close all opportunities life may give to you by going through a one way costly & painful transition process because it will close you all options for your future. Don't transition only because you feel bad when society look at you weirdly everytime you do or wear something labelled as "male" or because PMS are so painfull or because you are asked to by "friends" around you (change the friends not your body ;) or because it is in and don't befooled : lesbian do not date transmen and straight women prefer bio male...

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