Change Your World-NOT your Body

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

"Femme" Imposters-in a Femme/Butch community near you

Since the Queer Theory stormtroopers ripped the door off the hinges of the Femme/Butch community leaving it wide open for any and all to enter, our community has been flooded with "femme" imposters. While a smidge of those imposters are "trans" disordered homophobic straight men, it is not they that I am addressing with this post.

And before anyone asks why a homophobic straight Mtf-man would join an F/B community, I'll clarify. There are a small number of Mtf-men now in our F/B communities seeking relations with Butch women. And no I have never heard of a single Butch woman EVER dating/relating with an Mtf-man. The reason these straight homophobic Mtf-men use their male privilege to parade on into F/B lesbian spaces seeking Butch women is (depending on how faux female hormones affect the individual man) after injecting faux female hormones for a spell, many straight Mtf-men's brain structures/chemistry/sexual attractions begins to change and many find themselves attracted to men. But like your typical homophobic straight dude they often fight the urge (especially after SRS when their penis loses its focus because it has been mutilated to the point it no longer works properly) to seek sex with other men, they seek out instead women who in their pathologically binary thinking are "mannish" as a way to escape from their homophobia. Meaning they know Butches are women, whom to them "look like men", so if they direct their attractions towards Butch women, they arent being homosexual. Its not the homophobes outside the community we need to worry about as you can see, it is the thousands we've let into our gay and lesbian communities that we need to worry about.

The "femme" imposters I'm speaking of are the emotionally damaged straight women co-opting "femme" identity. These are women who have been sexually/emotionally/physically abused by males at some point/or repeatedly as children/teens. But rather than look their demons in the eye, hold those who hurt them accountable (patriarchy) and work through their pain, they deny their heterosexuality while remaining sexually attracted to men and use Butch women and Femme/Butch spaces to selfishly satisfy their sexual/relationship needs.

"Femme" imposters harm the F/B community on three different levels:

1) One way "femme" imposters hurt the F/B community is how they treat/affect actual Femme lesbians. These "femme" imposters being the straight women that they are, internalizing hetero-patriarchy as they do, bring those negative hetero-patriarchal norms into F/B space, utilizing hetero-patriarchy's hierarchical norms that are designed to keep women apart which in turn keeps women from challenging hetero-patriarchy in massive numbers which could challenge hetero-patriarchy. In F/B spaces this takes the form of  "femme" imposters vying for Butch attention through a "femme" hierarchical system such as IDing as "high femme"/"stone femme" in order to make themselves seem more desirable, more femme (as if) thereby out femming the real Femmes. And in doing so this creates a division between Femmes by creating Femme competition. This competition is made worse by a decline in healthy minded Butch women and the small decline in Butch numbers (will expand on this more in my #2). The hierarchical hetero-pat-systems femme imposters bring to our F/B community then creates a certain distrust between even actual Femme lesbians, shutting them off from one another for fear if they get too close to another Femme, said Femme may in fact either steal their Butch or if single curb the chances Femmes may have of finding a good Butch. This doesn't affect all Femmes and Femme friendships but where it has it has been detrimental to the community bysabotaging any chance of real Femme sisterhood.

2) Another way femme imposters harm the F/B community is in how they hurt Butch women. Because the femme imposter is NOT a lesbian she naturally has no inclination or capacity in participating in a full on complete mutual loving relationship with a Butch woman. This takes the shape in a few different ways; the femme imposter's compulsory heterosexuality prevents her from the commitment to the patience and intimacy needed to aid the average Butch woman in working through her Butch body/sexuality issues in order to achieve a healthy fulfilling F/B relationship, in fact more often than not the femme imposter does just the opposite. The femme imposter encourages Butch shame either subtly with hints of disgust towards the Butch woman body (minimal physical contact/lack of sexual desire for the Butch body) or to a greater degree in insisting Butch women are male like or worse actually men and therefore should trannify in order to achieve the maleness the femme imposter claims Butch woman have/are. The latter scenario obviously more dangerous than the first as it is irreparable, but do not discount the psychological damaging pain of the former.

3) And somewhere circling the harm the femme imposter causes to both Femme and Butch women the damage done can linger, harming the potential for healthy future Femme/Butch couplings. In the sense of Femme's internalizing the hyper hetero-femininity femme imposters impose on our community creating self doubt and insecurity where before there was little and in deepening Butch shame to those Butches who have the strength and presence of mind not to trannify from femme imposter pressures but whose fragile natures still get hurt from femme imposters selfish processes. Femme lesbians worry are they femme enough and Butch lesbians are so shamed and hurt they fear letting another Femme in regardless of the authenticity of the Femme.

It is time true Femmes and Butches reclaim our rightful identities and spaces! Say NO to femme imposters!

dirt
Share:

19 comments:

  1. My first post on this blog. :-)

    I was wondering when there would be another post about the straight women within the lesbian community. One does not become a lesbian, you are born one.

    On the MtF/Lesbian statement, there are MTFs dating Studs. There is a documentary about Stud lesbians titled "The Aggressives" and one of the couples was a Stud and MTF. For those who don't know, a "Stud" is an African American Butch lesbian. While I am Carib-American, I don't personally identify as a Stud.

    It's always sad when I see or hear of other lesbians being hurt by dating a straight woman, but I think the one that upsets me the most is when they outright say they are lesbians because they are sick of men. It would seem as if the lesbian community (regardless of color or culture) has become an emotional and physical refuge for the mentally disturbed and unstable.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tori bird... you have hit the nail on the head. There are many straight women who say they are lesbians because they were abused by men. They aren't lesbians.
    And I too am tired of the lesbian community getting saddled with the emotionally dysfunctional straight women, MTFs etc., all the while our space shrinks. We have straight women bringing straight MEN to gay places now. It's horrifying. I bumped into three, count 'em, straight men in a gay club recently, challenged one and asked him flat out, do you watch straight porn. How dare you come here then! Someone has to stand up to these aggressors, porn dogs etc.

    And straight women appropriating femme! ONG Dirt, yet another degredation of our traditional lesbian culture!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Female sexual fluidity is a male myth. Straight men desperately hope "all women are bisexual" and queer theorists have whispered back "all people are pansexual" for decades.

    Not everyone has the same tastes. Some people are bi. All of us lesbians are attracted to female friendship and female bodies, but the balance can differ.

    But I'm still mixed-up about MtFs. I've met some who seemed male through-and-through. I met another who was a great friend of mine, and there were times I felt drawn towards some part of her personality but driven away by that male body. I have no idea what to make of these feelings. I do not know whether female hormones would have changed things; she had not started yet. I had internalized the idea that I shouldn't listen to my own body or be put off by anyone else's body; I tried to make myself pansexual for my friend, and couldn't, and it just made me feel ashamed to be lesbian.

    ReplyDelete
  4. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH..NOW you're going to tell other lesbians who they are/aren't and that they don't live up to your standards of what's healthy or fulfilled? Although some of your philosophies are credible, it is YOU who sounds like a female filled with hate, anymosity and rage at every turn! This is the greatest danger we face as an already struggling community..some wannabee shrink with no degree beyond that in ignorance and obsession with her own need for endless attention and drama. Blog deleted..you make me ashamed to have to admit YOU are a lesbian.How sad.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anon,

    Spoken like a true Femme imposter, congrats!

    dirt

    ReplyDelete
  6. " Anonymous said... BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH"

    Oh Carrie, is that you? They're missing you at the Femme Imposters Anonymous meetings, better run along now and join them. And be a good idea to lay off the abusive and threatening messages and emails, can't imagine that is doing wonders for your anger management.

    Oh dear Dirt, you make those crazy women crazier and other Femmes just crazy for you. You are a force to be reckoned with, whatever will we do?

    FA x

    ReplyDelete
  7. Whew... for a second there I was an athesist but now I've found you (aka God) so I can be the right kind of B/F lesbian.

    No but seriously, I think having communities (like yours) is great but so much of what you said is just general bitching about people hurting other people in relationships. Replace F/B with any other relationship labels and it all applies. It's hard to sympathize with your cause when you are so hateful towards other people. Maybe another PR approach would be more prudent.

    Sincerely,
    Cassie (wrong kind of lesbian since birth, right kind of lesbian since I read this post)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dirt,

    I am a M2F post-op Trany, and find your post envigorating and insighteful. It takes a long time for a true M2F to transition and reach the actual "femme" level you refer to so sensetively.
    Our community would be up in arma immediatly at this blog, but hopefully will read the lines between the lines and understand their true female nature (if indeed they have it) and embrace your knowledge and clarity.
    I will probably upset some generally all around "community" activists. I am a severe Trans-community activist and work hard for our rights. I hope you know that M2F healthy transexuals are actually trying very hard to find the base of the female matters you speak of.
    Thanks for your sharing nature. It all helps.
    Pattie

    ReplyDelete
  9. I agree with Cassie. Y'all can take your cute little Queer Theories with you and go drown yourselves in a lake.

    I shall live my life as I see fit (as long as I'm not screwing up someone else's life).

    ReplyDelete
  10. LOL, wow, do you have any tips for femme spotting? How do I tell the dirt-approved femmes from unapproved ones?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Something is straight up wrong with you . I am FTM and I know alot of PEOPLE who go in different directions, you should try (as hard as it may seem) to educate yourself on SEXUAL IDENTITY AND SEXUAL PREFERNCE) and watch what type of hate you are stirring in the comunity- pitting us against one another - your pathetic ...
    S. Maxwell

    ReplyDelete
  12. I bet your vagina is as ugly as your "intellect"

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hmmm. First thing I'd say is that in this entire area there is too much in the way of jargon and definitions! It doesn't make things simple and clear and straightforward.

    I agree that there is such a thing a 'male privilege', or at least 'assumed male privilege'. I'm a male-to-female trans person who has given all that up. I resemble a woman sufficiently to be treated like one. So I'm sometimes taken less seriously, handled with less respect, and I'm subject to all the usual glass ceilings that can hold women down, straight, bi or lesbian. And because I can't go back, this is going to be how it is for the rest of my life. That's fine with me.

    But I'm also, in many situations, treated with a courtesy and decency and friendliness that would largely be denied to me if I still looked and behaved like an ordinary man. That's the privilege of being taken as a woman. But that's a by-product of the thing that drives me on. I feel I've had no deliberate choice whatever about transitioning. It's go mad or die if I don't. Given that, do you see me as a cunning interloper with an obnoxious agenda? Or am I welcome as an involuntary 'convert'?

    Do I really invade your space? I think I'm somewhere else. Yes, I used to be attracted exclusively to women. That hasn't changed. But I don't think that somehow my retained sexual orientation now makes me a lesbian. My gut feeling is that 'lesbian' isn't the accurate name for my outlook or approach in potentially sexual or romantic situations. It may be equivalent to a lesbian situation, but surely I'm not really where you are, and I certainly wouldn't presume to claim membership of your particular club.

    I'm still basically a male-bodied, male-brained, male-chromosomed person who has been chemically modified to resemble a female person. In time, the change will be quite radical. I think that it will to some extent be a mental change, as well as a physical change. I intend to tweak my physical appearance with surgery so that I can fully join in with society at large. I don't want to stay on the margins. I want the chance to play my part in some unselfish and worthwhile way that is reasonably high-profile and meainstream. I don't look male any more, but I need to look properly female - and be accepted a properly female - so that people stop thinking about me and concentrate on what I have to offer.

    And getting back to relationships, I'm not deceiving anyone because I make sure they know my origins up front. No secret games from this quarter. I'm not a threat, although I might be a friend and ally.

    Lucy

    ReplyDelete
  14. why can't love just be love. find the person or people around you that you want to spend your time with and ignore all others. why do you care so much? why do you allow yourself to get so angry? why get so caught up in labels and letters and what's between the legs? i hope you can find joy and let go of some of your hate and anger. because in all honesty spewing hate like this just makes you sound ignorant even if you have a clear point in your own head. i may not agree with a lot of things said out there in this world but i don't see the value in spewing hate and pitting people against one another.
    -RR

    ReplyDelete
  15. Like lots of dykes the writer of this blog has gone overboard on lesbianism and ingested very large quantities of estrogen which her body has converted to testosterone to cause just the same effects that she raves about - except she doeswn't know it.
    This is known as the BRSS or Bindel-Raymond-Stein-Syndrome in homour of the htree dykes who all exhibited it.

    ReplyDelete
  16. RIGHT ON DIRT! You are right on the money!! Some of these chics are waaaaay messed up and they ruin a lot of butch womens lives! Young butches need to be aware of this and need to avoid these messed up phonies, as much as possible. But, much of the time, these messed up chics are attractive femmes who play up to a young butch girls ego. It is an easy thing to fall into. You can usually tell who these women are. They generally treat butches like they are men, they are more into strap-ons than oral sex, they do alot of screaming in bed...even when nothing is happening! It's kinda funny! I don't know how I know this....yes, I do- I was one of those foolish young butch girls, w/ lots of ego and no sense! I'd like to see young butches avoid some of the pain that I experienced. That's why we should have a workshop and or support network- so that we can encourage healthy relationships and bolster confidence and self esteem. Young butches and "tomboys" need to know that there is no shame in not being feminine. We need to break down the door that keeps so many of us from loving ourselves or even relating to one another!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thanks for your insightful and eloquent writing, and for having the courage to state what others will not say. Reading this comes for me at an important time. I've stopped calling myself Femme for precisely some of the reasons you've stated. I don't feel femme enough. I don't want to go purse shopping, or shoe shopping with the queer/bi girls in the community. I don't base my Femmeness on imitating the look of popular female celebrity style, or starve my body or spend 100s of dollars on beauty products. I want OUT of this rat race. I feel like I have to hide and protect my Femmeness, like no one can see me. It's all one big ridiculous competition.

    Do you have any insight or advice on this? It would be really meaningful to hear a perspective from a real Butch woman.

    Thank you again for your validating post.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Why can't love just be love, as one anonymous writer asks? Because it isn't love. It's damaged women, hurt, angry women who run to the lesbian community when men have done them wrong, and then in turn hurt and damage lesbian women (and not just Butches either, as any lesbian can tell you) before ultimately returning to the straight world. The lesbian is seen as the salve, the balm for her (the "straight femme") wounds. She isn't threatening - a butch isn't threatening because she appears male but without the rage & testosterone & penis & whatever else it was about guys that hurt the "straight femme."

    I don't think it is intentional in most cases, and I don't think that is what Dirt is suggesting. But what the result is that girls & women who love women exclusively are hurt, time and again, and we are tired of seeing our friends, our sisters, our girlfriends dealing with that pain.

    Any of us who has been in one of these relationships or loves a woman who has been knows that one thing you are left with is being devalued as a woman. Your sexuality is devalued, your femaleness is devalued. I have seen, as has Dirt and many others, how these relationships with misguided "queer femmes" has wreaked havoc on lesbian women, esp Butch women and their own mental & emotional & sexual health. Why is it wrong for us to talk about this? Why must the lesbian community always be forced towards acceptance, even of things that harm us? The hatred of things women and of lesbians exhibited by some of the "queer" and trans visitors to this blog never fails to astonish. Would that other lesbians wake up to this and challenge it the way we have challenged many other things -- for the sake of our selves.

    ReplyDelete
  19. because straight men are never misled by gay women, and straight women are never misled by gay men, and gay men are never misled by straight men.

    the world is attacking your group, and your group only.

    ReplyDelete

Copyright © The dirt from Dirt | Powered by Blogger
Design by SimpleWpThemes | Blogger Theme by NewBloggerThemes.com | Distributed By Blogger Templates20