Change Your World-NOT your Body

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Lesbian Leaves Transman and is "Harassed"

From an ftMISOGYNIST site for partners of ftMISOGYNIST.

I find it unbelievably frightening and nauseating how often Femme lesbians are expected to "adjust" to their g/f trannifying! These ftMISOGYNISTS expect "male privilege" right out of the fucking gate and that their little Femme woman should subjugate herself for their new found "male identity"! Are you fucking kidding me?? Umm can we say PUKE!

If these ftMISOGYNIST women actually loved their partners like so many falsely claim, they would do the hard work it takes to work towards loving themselves, their bodies and then their partners in order to have true love and true intimacy within that relationship. True love and intimacy cannot (has never) blossom(ed) and grow(n) amid pathological self hatred and other assorted mental illnesses.

That right from the start Femmes are expected to take a backseat to their partners "transition" illustrates right from the start the sexist and misogynistic attitudes and ideas the ftMISOGYNIST holds. These attitudes and ideas will only grow worse as the ftMISOGYNIST woman trannifies, which is partly why you never see any actual Femme lesbians (even those who had been in long term relationships with ftMs) stay in relationships with these types.

For as much as any true Femme is no longer going to be physically attracted to a mutilated masculinized woman's body, she is also not going to be attracted to the idea of herself as STRAIGHT nor pretzel herself into a STRAIGHT woman's life with a partner treating her as STRAIGHT! It just doesnt happen! Like we see with the post above.

Once a Femme discovers herself Femme, there is no going back. We ALL know Femmes who have left jobs, states, husbands and risked losing their children to be who they are and love the Butches they are only capable of truly falling in love with. There is such a strength in Femme it just amazes me sometimes. The last Femme I was in a relationship with had children, a husband of over a dozen years, little job skills and lived VERY affluently. She would drive 4 hours to the nearest women's bookstore just to be able to see lesbians shopping and to buy a lesbian magazine or book which she would read before heading back home then toss in the trash so she wasn't found out. How sad is that? But she met a Butch, her Femmeness kicked in and she risked everything she had, which besides her children she later admitted was nothing because what she had and lived with was pure hell and misery. She told her husband it was over she was a lesbian and could no longer live a lie. She filed for divorce, later worked out a settlement they both could live with and for the last dozen or so years lives her Femme life in Femme/Butch relationships.

To the Femme who wrote this post I give major kudos to! Good for her for being true to her Femme self! There are plenty O fucked up straight women out there who are ready and willing to date fucked up ftMISOGYNIST! At least till the next real man enters the picture!

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  1. just a question what about femmes that love femmes? You seem to leave them out of our essay.

  2. Thank you Dirt! Is there a way to find out who this woman is, and actually give her positive support? Sadly, the longer they are on 'T', the more they start emulating the male behavior. So much of our behavior, including bad male behavior comes down to hormones. Here's a drug that was NEVER MEANT to be in a bio-female body, and large amounts are being poured in.

    You mentioned the one who was the sexual abuser/pedophile, then there was the one who murdered their femme partner who was on Butch/ that everybody covered up(and some Dyke FEmmes wrote me in real fear and NEVER wanted to go back to B/ because of that incident, and cuz anybody who brought up that violence was then banned from B/

    I saw this kind of pricky aggressivenes at a party last night, where FTM's can come to a 'women's and trans party' with a loophole designed just for them, and take over and destroy the beautiful female energy. There's a documentary I watched on Logo, where one began to transition, and her partner, while not femme, but more androgynous, and definitely fully Lesbian became more and more upset at her partner's transition.

    So many do leave. So many Femmes in particular(and some of us Butch loving Butches too)are so incredibly upset at the so-called Dyke dating pool with so many of these women trying at first to 'pass' as Butch, then once they get involved want to become dudes...that the femmes get so disgusted with it...and so extremely sad about it....

    NOw, how much is this like male violence? Especially teenage male violence? Cuz, see, that's EXACTLY what they're going through....a male like 'puberty'...going on those hormones....the attitudes, they smell bad, no longer like females, the aggressiveness, the anger, even my own partner mentioned when a friend she was roomies with began transitioning to male, threatened to beat her up, and as a Dyke was NEVER violent, until she got on those hormones!

    This shit is poison, this shit is literally the patriarchy injected into their bodies, and taking over their minds, souls and spirits...and the harassment from the trans community, both MTF and FTM is incredibly male and ugly and threatening. I feel for this woman, and she did the right thing...after all, SHE'S A DYKE, and LOVES women's breasts, a woman's mind, body and spirit!

  3. I totally agree. It's not right of him to expect his partner, if she's a lesbian, to be attracted to him. It's weird though, she says:

    "She made an appointment for top surgery, and I left."

    and then

    "I love women's bodies and minds, period!"

    So yeah, if you can't bear to call him a man, there's something wrong. Because that's what we're dealing with. An emotionally distant dude mansplaining to us lesbians why they have to still love him now. I wouldn't be into my girlfriend if she were a trans man either. Because I'm a lesbian. Surprise!

    I'd support (the theoretical girlfriend who comes out as trans man) him in his decision, but I'd leave. And then I'd call him an ignorant hetero-normative misogynist for expecting me to be bi for him.

    Seriously though, your point carries a lot more weight if you just call him a man instead of a mutilated woman. Because then the femme is, by implication, being ablist, not a lesbian, in her decision to leave.

    If you call him an insane woman, instead of a man, then the ethics of leaving someone who, by that logic, is having a mental breakdown and should need her lover's help more than ever, are fuzzy at best. (i.e. would you leave your lover if she became schizophrenic?)

    Ultimately the best policy is to call this man what he is. An idiotic misogynist who expects access to women's bodies. Not a mutilated woman. That weakens the argument.

  4. Owen,

    Femmes only date/partner/fall in love with Butch women. As a Butch woman who naturally partners with Femmes, I write about/honor them.

    Feminine lesbians who largely date each other or andro dykes on the other hand dominate the visible landscape of lesbianism, they clearly do not need me (a Butch lesbian whom most of them are disgusted by) writing their story.


  5. Valerie, people aren't calling this "transman" a man because she isn't one. It's quite simple. Dirt can speak for herself, but I'm quite sure that pretending that this woman is a man would not in any way strengthen the message in her post. If you were at all familiar with the message Dirt tries to get out, you would see that referring to this person as a mutilated woman actually strengthens her point, and going along with the "transman's" sad game of pretend would weaken it. I suggest you read a little more of the blog, since you seem confused about what Dirt's "point" actually is.

    The ethics of leaving someone with severe mental problems are not "fuzzy at best." Who in their right mind would want to stay in a relationship with someone who suffers from severe body issues, or other mental problems?

    The whole deal with people like yourself going around the internet and repeating ad nauseam that "transmen" are men is getting old. It's almost as if you all think that, if you repeat it enough, the rest of us will play along. I've yet to hear a logical reason why we should consider them to be men. Can you offer us one?

  6. Icon,

    Val thinks cuz he puts make up on and buys his clothes in the "laides" section that makes him a woman. So of course as a mentally disordered guy he is going to see the truths expressed here as lies/disrespectful/transphobic.

    Thank you for your insightful, intelligent comment though. Its not lost on me.


  7. okay I get that, i was just curious since i know both and butch women who love butch women. And was wondering why you would exclude alot of lesbians in your blog content.

  8. Hey Dirt,

    Did this lesbian get any support in this forum? The ones I've been on previously would have just shot her down (which is why I don't bother in them any longer). Just hoping someone else popped up to agree with her that she's actually the sane one.


  9. Nat,

    I saw the post a week or so after she posted it, and she had no comments. Not surprising. Had it been in an area that included ftMISOGYNISTS she would likely have been attacked. Since it was partners of, she got ignored.


  10. Whay do transman have this strong belief their "lesbian" partner should forget her own needs, her own "object" of desire (breast, softness of the skin, sweetness of the mind...), her issues and reluctance to adjust to their body changes and to live with a mutilated freak (because no photo will show how bad those FTM feel in the inside...)
    With all the love on planet earth and the most candid eyes, it is a robbery: as a partner, you sign for a cute woman and your end-up with a medical experiment...
    Who will accept to do that to themselves ?


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