Friday, December 11, 2009

Anthem for a Butch Role Model

A snip from an email I received the other day from a Butch sister that put tears in my eyes and an ache in my heart.

I feel angry dear Butch, not at you, but at the fucking horseshit that you like so many of us Butches feel because we have been fucking robbed of ourselves our entire childhoods and teen years and often times early adulthood's then turn around and play it off likes its fucking okay! Its NOT okay! Its not okay at all! It is okay however to be mad about it and depressed about it, we dont have to apologize, there is nothing for us to apologize for!

We deserved Butch role models, not the imitation insufficient male substitutes for Butch! And deserved to see through our Butch role models, ourselves in all our possible ways of being!

We deserved to see as girls adult Butch lesbians in loving relationships with their Femmes!
We deserved to see as girls we could have a Femme partner in our future!
We deserved to see as girls we could do anything any women could do and still be Butch!
We deserved to see as girls we could do anything any man could do and still be female!
We deserved to see as girls we could be comforted by a Femme and not disappear!
We deserved to see as girls our bodies weren't our enemies!
We deserved to see as girls we didnt have to be ashamed of our bodies because they weren't male!
We deserved to see as girls men's bodies were something straight women put up with, while our Butch bodies were something Femme lesbians desired!
We deserved to see as girls it is okay for us to love our bodies!
We deserved to see as girls it is okay to let a Femme love our bodies!
We deserved to see as girls sharing our body with a Femme didnt stop us from being Butch!
We deserved to see as girls Butch wasn't just the clothes we wore on our backs!
We deserved to see as girls Butch didnt equal male, it surpassed it!
We deserved to see as girls emotional intimacy between Butches!
We deserved to see as girls Butches with greasy hands fixing cars!
We deserved to see as girls Butches cooking and hosting fabulous dinner parties!
We deserved to see as girls that Butch women could cry!
We deserved to see as girls we can be emotional and remain Butch!
We deserved to see as girls the beautiful, powerful physical and emotional strength of Butch women!
We deserved to see as girls just who we could grow up to be!


We deserve!

Anthem for a Butch Role Model Video
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  1. This is really good Dirt. Makes me want to grab the next butch I see and hug her. You wouldnt happen to be walking by my office any time soon would you Dirt?;)

  2. Dirt, I love reading your blog. It pulls at my heart strings and makes me smile at the same time. You have enlightened me and inspired me to write a blog about my experience as a Femme.

  3. T. I think thats a great idea! You need any help at all just ask.


  4. All so true, Dirt. One of the reasons so many butches wander off into trying to make themselves "men" is craving that "being a part of" something that we have too often been denied. We are encouraged to buy into the gender-mainstream belief system even when it mutilates our minds, bodies, and spirits -- even when it still doesn't make us "men" but even bigger freaks, in the eyes of those we've tried so hard to be like.

    Butches our age have had it hard, coming up in our age group (I'm 48), but most of our lives we just had to learn to live with it, just like racial and other minorities have to learn to live with it. Unfortunately the younger butches (and the older butches with money) have it even harder, because now they have the BIG LIE that tells them that screwing up their body chemistry and/or cutting up body parts will save them from having to deal with oppression and hate.

    The fix? More butch role models, and more reality-push-back against the BIG LIE.

    Keep at it, Dirt. You're great.


  5. Nat,

    I agree with your solution and I vow to do all I can as a Butch to continue doing something about it!

    The pathological self hatred that would cause a woman to disfigure herself into such a monstrosity that she is no longer recognizable and the sick fucks in her life that support and encourage that disfigurement is INFUCKINGSANE!

    As much guff as I get from "trans" people I find myself more disgusted these days with the fucking bystanders and "supporters" of this sick fucking shit called "transition"!

    Who in there right fucking mind would support a loved one doing this???? These people are alone in the world and believe using "transition" is going to give them a place, instead it only makes them sicker and more alone.

    Living a lie every day of your life is a horrific way to live, not to mention horrifically unhealthy.


  6. Hey Nat,
    Why not just speak for yourself and avoid presuming to speak for FTM's, who have an identity and reality that is quite different from yours?
    I grew up around butch lesbians. Yet, I am FTM. So, I don't think the lack of community was the reason for my gender-change. I have no unsatisfied "craving" for butch friends. In fact, I have many. But gender dysphoria and transition is quite separate from sexuality and the butch-femme dynamic. Please stop projecting your b.s. onto me and my community and just speak about your own truth.

  7. Wow Tryst, such Butch hate!

    BTW Tryst, Nat is speaking about the affact Butch invisibility has on Butches, something you as a woman who isnt a Butch would know nothing about.

    And knowing a few Butches at various times in your life isnt going to change the misogyny you internalized through society/familial. Butch visibility is about a great deal more. Try opening your mind a little from the patriarchal binary you've clearly ingested.


  8. Sorry, Trystan, but your story and mine ARE the same -- and I came, after years and years of struggle, within a literal few weeks of taking the same path you have so far.

    I *personally* know all about the pain and struggle of "gender dysphoria" and the other related psych labels, I know all about the gender theory and the "brothers" and the whole spit-polished medicalized-oppression house of cards being played out on women's bodies the last 50 years by and for people who believe that causing huge internal damage is perfectly acceptable to achieve superficial results.

    You see, I AM speaking my own truth. I'm also speaking the truth of years spent with and among women who also believe(d) (as I did for years did) the whole "gender dysphoria"/etc lies.

    I been there. I've done exactly that. You and I ARE the same, like it or not. I'm just hoping that someday you'll chose the real health you truly deserve.

  9. We deserve to be OURSELVES! Whatever that is! And I don't mean some social freak or outcast- because we refuse to change our appearance to appear more feminine. We do not try to change who we are- we just are. Why is it-to be feminine- we have to alter ourselves in some way, or buy into what has been so "unjustly" placed upon us. We had to change/mutilate ourselves to survive- to be what men wanted (not what we wanted) now few women even know who they are any more. Who defines you? YOU?! For most women that answer is NO! And what is this latest craze to change butch women feminine. Rupal has a show in which he "transforms" butch women into femmes....WHAT???? Does this not seem like extreme hypocracy to anyone on this site?! All men are F*cked up! I remember a time when gay men and women helped each other- not hurt each other. That's obviously not the case anymore. If women don't start learning to pull together- there won't be any more womens "rights." It's become a joke! This is because women have lost focus. They have allowed men to bully them and have turned on one another. STOP already. The damage has been done and we need to turn it around. Or men will destroy everything beautiful and women, by default, will have allowed it to happen.

  10. This is really beautiful. I respect and admire everyone who has the strength to be exactly who they feel they are, no matter what somebody else says.

    When I was younger (not that I'm already old ^^) I used to feel so f****** miserable because I thought no one's actually into butch women - especially not beautiful femmes. I thought I'd never find somebody to love me the way I am. I'm glad I was proven wrong by now. :-)

    "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." – E.E. Cummings

  11. I just wanted to say thank you so much for shearing your thoughts, It's been enlightening. I thought I was living some kind of curse to be a fem in the eyes of all butches, or, are there any left around any more?? fem's and butches don't need to hide like that any more. I love being a foofoo girlie-girl!!(: maybe someday I'll find the right butch that will appreciate me as much as I appreciate her!


  12. Thank you Pattie. I think it is highly important for Butches and Femmes to appreciate as well as understand each other.