The first two posts of this series dealt specifically with how the heterosexual category Girl inadequately describes and fails Lesbian children and Lesbian teens; fails to represent Lesbian children/teenager's thinking processes/emotional processes and behaviours and how those processes drastically differ from heterosexual Girls. This post will delve into how the heterosexual category Woman and Lesbian differ and how the category Woman has for centuries and continues today to harm Lesbians.
As uncomfortable a fit Girl is to Lesbian children and Lesbian teens, it doesnt hold the sheer horror of Woman when applied to Lesbians. Girl, even teen Girl, while clearly heterosexual, the sexual in heterosexual between the ages of say 0 to mid/late teens usually is non existent. Meaning dykes, with minimal effort, can usually ignore being qualified Girl, since sexual feelings (toward another) at young ages is often absent. When the category Woman is applied to Lesbians later on, Dykes can no longer ignore their discomfort or their revulsion, because they are not merely ignoring differences in thought processes, emotions, behaviours, strengths and weaknesses, they now have to ignore the SEX in Woman which translates ONLY to heteroSEXUAL!
Because Lesbian youths do not often have the freedom nor the number of potential partners Girls have growing up, Lesbian adults usually use their 20's as relationship experience. It isnt that Lesbians are less mature than Girls/Women, we simply do not get to practice our relationships at school/school functions, dating etc. It is usually only when Lesbians reach young adulthood and we have control over our destinies that we can (more or less) freely begin meeting others like ourselves. It is unclear whether our lack of dating in youth, our Lesbian biology or our lack of being around large numbers of Lesbians (or all three) affects why Lesbian adults partner differently than heterosexual couples. Its rare to find a Lesbian couple that did the "dating thing" that is so common among heterosexuals. While we meet/find each other in a variety of ways, dating in the straight sense rarely factors in and when it does there is usually a STRAIGHTBIAN in the mix.
Another HUGE difference between Lesbian adults and Women is the BIOLOGICAL urge to procreate and the BIOLOGICAL changes that occur from giving birth. While there is clearly some sociological pressure for (hetero) females to procreate, the gist comes from heterosexual female brain functions. Obviously something evolutionary in order to propagate the species. Whatever it is that triggers that base need/desire among straight female brains, clearly does not exist in Lesbian brains. In the same token, that biological urge to bear children in most straight Women, doesnt come with a guarantee for maternal instincts. There was a minute in the 90's when Lesbians seemed to be popping out babies like puppies, but looking back with a discerning eye, what we actually find were STRAIGHTBIAN couples claiming to be Lesbians or a STRAIGHTBIAN coupled with a Dyke giving birth, not Lesbians themselves. There are clearly more Lesbian pet parents than there are Lesbian people parents, thats not to say that we dislike children, it is to say birthing/raising children isnt a BIOLOGICAL need/desire of Lesbians. And in fact when we do choose to parent either by our loins or adoption, we usually make BETTER parents than heterosexuals.
Some basic core changes that begin in puberty and stay consistent in Women:
- The biological obsessive compulsion for Males. What are males doing? What are males thinking? What do males think about me? Does he like me? Does he like her? Can I change him? Will he marry me? Why wont he like me? Does he like my body? Even in Women that claim to be "man haters" or "radfems" it is rare to find a time they are not engaged in some sort of interaction with and/or rumination about males.
- Planning their wedding-enough said!
- Being a mother-see above.
- Competing with/undermining/judging and actively criticizing other Girls/Women.
- Social climbing seems to begin early for heterosexual females. Whether they desire the best trailer in the park or the costliest palace, money/possessions factor heavily in ALL straight female relationships.
- Appearance is like real estate to teen Girls/Women-Appearance Appearance Appearance!
- A seemingly pathological dissatisfaction with everything! And an equally pathological need to bitch, gripe, moan and complain about it. Male brains have an interesting compatible ability to mostly tune this behaviour from heterosexual females out. Dykes who have partnered with Women, can tune it out to a lesser degree than males. All in all, Teen Girls and Women are never truly happy.
- Lesbians whether partnered or single do not lose who we are in effort to center the universe around our love life or any single part of our life for that matter. As wonderful as being in love feels, Lesbians do not change our personalities to fit someone else's, nor do we scheme to change our love interest's personality/behaviour.
- Lesbians also do not lose focus on our interests/passions/talents over another Lesbian. In fact in most Lesbian adult relationships, Lesbians heavily support our lover's/wife's interests/passions/talents etc.
- Lesbian adults are not driven by childhood fairy tales to create the perfect wedding day! Lesbians are more invested in the relationship than the day it is legally official!
- Lesbians in the majority are not social climbers, we do not base our relationships on what job our lover has, the money she makes or doesnt make, where she buys her clothes or who her parents are. Its no coincidence than Lesbians are often listed by heterosexuals as being blue collar. Regardless of whether we are or arent working class, we function on purpose rather than perception. Frankly, we dont give a fuck.
- Lesbians also fail to be as impressed or impressed at all with wealth/possessions. An area we vastly differ from both heterosexual Women and Men.
- Lesbians, regardless of the situation tend to be much more even-keeled temperamentally/emotionally than Girls/Women. Historically it is straight female's (seeming) over emotionalism (think hysteria) that caught the attention of early psychiatrists/psychologists since its inception. And lets be honest, from the point of view of a straight male brain whose emotions with the exception of anger/sex are drastically dulled by testosterone, the straight female brained human must seem like a raving hyena! The only thing that caught the attention of psychiatrists/psychologists (past/present and future) by Lesbians is our romantic interests. Although presently, all psych tests are heterosexually biased and if a Lesbian child/Teen is tested and her test is measured under Girl, she will score as abnormal. If scored as male, she scores in the normal range.
- The discomfort Lesbian youths often feel being labeled in the category Girl persists into Lesbian adulthood with the heterosexual adult female category Woman. Some of us learn to exist past/beyond the Woman category once mature and some are never able to and instead try to ease their discomfort by transitioning. Regardless of where the Lesbian is with being improperly categorized as Woman, we are NEVER at home with the heterosexual term Woman.